[New Orleans, Feb 5, 2013] Following a contentious Super Bowl pitting brothers John Harbaugh (Baltimore Ravens) and Jim Harbaugh (San Francisco 49ers) against one another, the two have decided to put their sibling rivalry behind them. During a post-game interview, John Harbaugh said the following of his little brother’s performance, “In the first half all I could think about was how easily I was creaming the little twerp, but then Jim really used that blackout to pump up his team and bring them to what was almost the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. Of course, in the end the better brother won. Still, you gotta admire the little guy.”
The two then met up after the Super Bowl after party at their own Harbaugh family after after party. John and Jim spent a full two hours complimenting one another. When their sister, Joani Harbaugh, told them to get a room, they did.
The next morning, John and Jim emerged with ruffled hair and held a press conference to announce that they would be working together during the next season.
“We’ve realized that as strong as we may coaching against one another, we could really blowout the place…” Jim Harbaugh announced. “If we worked together!” Declared John, finishing his brothers sentence.
However, the two do not intend to make headlines by coaching as brothers. “It would be a cheap gimmick” said Jim Harbaugh, speculating as to how the sports media tabloids would handle each and every game-equating every glance from brother to brother with childhood subtext. Following these predictions, John Harbaugh chuckled in a way he probably would have once he discovered Jim had gone to prom with his Eighth Grade crush.
The Harbaugh Brothers went on to make it clear that any sort of Coach/Assistant Coach set up would be detrimental to their work, placing one with a higher rank than the other. “There’s really only one way this could work…” John stood and led his brother off stage, only to reappear 6 feet taller, sporting a trench coat and a mustache.
“I, Jom Harbaugh, will assume coaching duties for the Baltimore Ravens, Champions of Super Bowl XLVII, following the tragic off-stage deaths of my brothers. I loved them dearly and they will be forever missed and cherished in the hearts of football fans everywhere.”
As of press time, neither Harbaugh brother could be reached for an individual comment. According to Jom Harbaugh, a Memorial Service will be held in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome this Sunday at 3pm and all are welcome to attend.