The YOLO Effect

Sam Walker

YOLO is one of the most powerful words in the modern-day slang arsenal. Coming in at four letters and an acronym in nature, YOLO stands for “you only live once.” Where most saw a tired phrase, musician Drake saw a golden opportunity. By shortening the phrase to a two-syllable spattering of semi-speech, Drake has created nothing less than a modern-day spell. I know what you’re thinking: “Magic isn’t real, or I would probably be a much happier person!” Well, naysayers, while that may be true (you also may be a pile of magic dust, because you might suck at magic), this is a magic-based PSA, so stuff it. YOLO is a spell, and not just your average one-trick pony spell. No, YOLO can be used in a bevy of ways. From forcing actions to bolstering enchants to protect oneself from harm, its range is impressive. So, let’s not waste time

The first and most apparent use of YOLO is shouting at the self, usually before an act described as generally unsafe. It could be jumping off a roof into a pool, freebasing heroin, or even unprotected sex with a rhino. Let’s get more specific so to see the whole process.

Take the image of a drunken frat guy at the top of a flight of stairs, sitting in a box, clearly poised for launch. This unlikely stair-sledding enthusiast looks about to his cheering compatriots, only to realize all too late that there can be no turning back. Gathering himself together, the soon-to-be-statistic screams “YOLO!” at the top of his lungs. Suddenly finding himself in the possession of far more courage than he thought possible, he leans forward and his box fires forth to an explosion of cheers. Head bouncing off the walls and body rocking with unsteady force, he crashes at the bottom of the stairs. Amidst a hushed silence he lays, until finally rising to claim his boon of mad props.

Now, what happened here?

Many say luck, but that is hardly the case. He activated YOLO to protect himself. Shouting “YOLO” triggered his subconscious to go to survival mode. Knowing there was no avoiding what was to come, YOLO took over, causing his body to go limp in all the right places, allowing his life to continue. Any actual injury has been quieted by a surge of adrenaline also released by the spell, allowing his seemingly immaculate recovery.

The second use of YOLO is using the power of YOLO on others. This manifests in many ways, primarily bros beguiling biddies by way of booze, observed at any club’s bar. Picture a staggering semi-slut stabilizing herself on some sturdy surface; a faceless bro saunters over, strapped with shots. Every reader and I can see that said sort-of-wench should not sip on anything more. To her luck, she agrees with us hypothetical observers, and says no. The dastardly dick dawns a dubious smirk, only to cast the YOLO spell, shouting “YOLO!” The lass’ disposition implodes instantly, and the shot is devoured.

Chilling stuff, I know. Worse yet, the YOLO spell may be cast over and over, losing its effectiveness only with loss of motor skill. The word seeps into the mind of the intended target and moves straight for the decision-making part of the brain, rewiring it to your needs. It is nothing short of a Jedi mind trick.

Now that you know the power of YOLO, I hope you will use it with care. Unwise utilization could lead to serious injury or angry mobs. And sure, you could abuse it and eventually make a bid for all the power in the world, but that would just get messy. No one likes a mess.

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