Life after The Shutdown

Kevin Cole

The clock stopped at 11:59. There were some grumbles about healthcare, and then nothing. I think it’s October but there’s no way to be sure, I haven’t checked the calendar in days. Last I remember it was September 30th, whether there are 30 or 31 days in September I can’t recall, it seems irrelevant now. There was build up, countdowns on every channel, the entire populace knew it was coming, knew it could be stopped, yet were powerless against it.

It’s honestly not that bad. Well, except for the drunken twelve year olds who have taken to spending their hard earned allowance on booze as there is no one to enforce a legal drinking age. The skies are still blue, the grass is still green. Things appeared to be going the way of a McCarthy story for a few minutes there… not Joseph McCarthy, that probably wouldn’t be too bad. Just fleeting influxes of chaos that are quickly dispelled, leaving me free to sit around in my underwear eating Ramen noodles and watching Netflix as I did in days long since passed. This new anarchist society really isn’t too different from the old one. There are no rules, thusly no consequences but it appears good has prevailed. I’ve yet to encounter a marauding horde of cannibals during my travels, just furloughed government employees receiving handouts they never asked for.

Still, many live in fear. There is no environmental protection agency and in the past two sun cycles word has spread that the rain forests are being paved to make way for new luxury condos. Come to think of it, a luxury condo doesn’t sound so bad. They probably have pre-installed hot tubs and couches with built in back massagers. God, that would be incredible. I’ve got to get out of this suburban bunker and make my way to the coast where find these con–oh shit… did you hear that? Dammit, we’re not safe here anymore. DO YOU HEAR THAT!? THEY’RE COMING THROUGH THE DOORS! Quick, open Healthcare.gov in a separate tab, if I survive this I sure as hell want to be covered for it!

Wait a minute, who am I talking to? It’s just me and the cannibals beating down my door. I don’t need to announce where I can get insurance coverage I can just do it myse-

It was at this moment that Kevin was consumed. Carry the flame readers, carry it right to deluxe condominiums and live the life of luxury you so rightfully deserve.

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