Solutions to the Oscar Mayer Wiener Recall

Kraft Food recalled 96,000 pounds of mislabeled wieners, cheese dogs were listed as classic dogs and for a brief period of time, chaos reigned. This left Kraft Foods with a surplus of 96,000 pounds of unused wieners. Luckily a team of Annual writers have put their heads together to find some practical uses for the seemingly unusable weenies.

  • Filler for Madame Tussaud wax figures
  • Edible pens
  • Game pieces the world’s most questionable Jenga tournament
  • A sculpture of Oscar Mayer’s famous wiener
  • Lincoln logs
  • An eco-friendly alternative to those colorful plastic spheres that poison the ball pits of our children’s play areas
  • Swimmies
  • Apathetic darts
  • The worst Haunnukah ever, it’d be a different story were there to be a massive recall of Hebrew National dogs.
  • The best version of A Nightmare on Elm Street
  • Pull one hell of a prank on PETA. Open the office closet? Avalanche of dogs. Time for lunch? Break room fridge-turned sausage fest.
  • Literal sausage fest
  • Unstable high heels
  • Anti vegetarian gauges
  • The claws for toy crane machines
  • The literal Hunger Games aka World’s Greatest Hot Dog Eating Contest Ever
  • A hellish game of chance for lactose intolerant prisoners
  • Rations for WWIII

Whether you work at Kraft or you’re wondering what to do with your recalled prepackaged meat, we sincerely hope this list will help you through these dark times.

Practical wiener uses by Parker Benbow, Lily Fryburg, Hannah Gutman, Briana Haynie, Andrew Michaels, Emily Perper, and Scott Travers

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