Dear Staff, Writers and Audience of The Annual,
I sadly regret to inform all of you I no longer drink: a few months ago I dislocated my knee, due to a case of wrestlingidous!
Wrestelingidous occurs when you mix alcohol, good weather and a vast amount of backyard to wrestle with your friends. It all started in the garage of my friend’s house. All of my friends and I gathered to take a shot of rumplemint vodka in celebration of my friend’s 23rd birthday. Some of my friends weren’t able to handle the shots in front of them, but I held on. I was able to hold on past my seventh shot, but that’s when it hit me…Wrestelingidous! I walked up to a couple of my friends and slightly pushed their shoulders, initiating a wrestling match. One of them proceeded to push me back harder, and that’s when the chaos began! My friend immediately pinned me down.
I got back up and said, “Nooooh..w-wr-estle meh again, I-I- wasn’t even tryinggg!” *belch!*
He said, “Nah.”
And that’s when it hit me again…Wrestlingidous!
I went to grab my friend’s right arm; he tried to block it, but I got him by faking it and grappling around him. He tried to get out of it, but there was just too much Nicolas all around him. That’s when I made my move to bring him down; but suddenly I heard a *Snap!* And that’s when I fell down to the ground and felt a shock of pain run down my leg. “F*ck! My leg’s broken!” I said.
My friends huddled around me in shock. One friend crouched down, touched it and said, “Yep, that’s broken.”
A few minutes later the ambulance came. The paramedics gave me five shots of morphine. I still felt pain, so they rushed me to the ER. Immediately, they took an X-ray and gave me two more shots of morphine. My doctor came back with the results of the X-ray and said my leg was just dislocated. She then grabbed hold of my leg, said, “Brace yourself,” and popped it back into place.
So now I sit here with both legs intact and $3000 in medical bills.
I smoke pot now.