A Modern Proposal

For Preventing the Students of the United States and Elsewhere from Misbehavior and Stupidity to Their Schools and Making Them Loyal Sheep to Their Government and Society

Taylor Goebel

What an unpleasant case it is to see a child hovering in the corner of a classroom, with no esteemed knowledge in their poorly stubborn brains, unable to function in the environment in which they are intended to learn. Worse yet, a horrendous sight is to observe a student blindly raging against the current system of education, rejecting its immense value and refusing to submit to its lessons. Schools, of course, have tried to convince the student to obey the rules, by way of bribery, punishment and threats, but what is the use of “convincing” if the child’s compliance is not genuine?

My observations have also detected an ever-deadening state of mind. Children, many without a proper home, parents or school supplies, develop abnormally and inefficiently, growing lazy in their endeavors and insisting upon completing the least amount of work possible. It seems everyone has the perfect excuse to avoid learning. The wealthy students tend to fall into the same pattern, despite political redistricting to pull the good eggs toward glossy public schools while leaving the poorer students in schools that are not good enough for excess funding.  This social segregation does not work properly in this day and age, however beneficial it would be to American society. Today’s social norms insist upon true equality of opportunity (despite the reality of immense disproportionate wealth in America), and while my observations have been most accurate in theorizing the presence of a “lazy gene” that is within most to all poor inhabitants of the U.S., I must say, my proposal, which will be discussed in a short while, heightens each and every student to his or her full potential despite class differences.

Indeed, this unproductive state of mind must be changed, and it does not only affect students. Teachers are drawn into the zombie-like state, giving up with a deadened sigh, not a lively bang, letting children roam the halls, text and use social media while in the classroom, causing them to pay little attention to the goals of each course. But if we are to put the blame on anyone, the student should be at the forefront. His/her lack of submission combined with an infectious pressure to fit in with their generation has led to rebellion and a careless attitude toward education. They are much too involved with technology and sinful feelings of sexual and youthful elevation to rake in funding for their schools. Education should be a prelude to a successful economy; civilization literally needs money to survive, and so a good beginning to civilized society is giving money to schools so that they can be successful institutions. Schools are currently sucking in funding by bribing their students to do well on standardized tests and forcing grades as early as kindergarten to base their learning on aforementioned tests.

My point is that students are the driving factors in whether their institutions receive adequate funding. Without the drive to obtain money, i.e., to receive an education, what good are students but obnoxious wretches who deprive the society in which they live? And what good is free education if students will not use it to their advantage? It is no wonder that universities charge students to learn; only those who truly want a proper education and shiny degree are willing and able to hash out tens of thousands of dollars a year to reach the highest estates of learning. The true successors of our dear politicians and CEOs know progress is the understanding that intelligence and potential can be measured exclusively through the acquisition of a college degree. The universities who bank on their students understand that golden rule as well. Progress is also an acceptance of the fact that the United States of America is over a trillion dollars in debt from student loans. Those are 12 zeroes of commitment from our nation’s students. Never mind those who simply can’t afford an education or who must work full time to support their families. Those impoverished jokes of humanity hardly show up in our nation’s wealth.

A problem with the poor is the fact that they have numbed their minds to their financial situations and succumbed to menial work to pay off car loans, mortgage bills and whatever else. Money is a top priority (these people know that) and most definitely should not stunt intellectual growth; instead, receiving an education should provide a faster way to making money. These two commodities go hand-in-hand with one another, and yet our students are not mastering this free opportunity during their youth. Instead, they are wasting thousands of government dollars right in the classroom, where their teachers inevitably curve tests, inflate grades and sheepishly give up on writing too many behavior referrals, either out of fear or defeat or both. There is no need to deal with students one-on-one; individual needs should not be promoted. Students are expected to pump money into their schools sans bribery, personal assistance or grade inflation.

The consumerism of the 1980s fed well into the System, with rising higher education costs (hence more money for the economy) and student-teacher evaluations. But it also poisoned the System on account of human ignorance. Our students are falling through the cracks we’ve created. They have found ways to disobey and ignore the information they are given. Therefore we must take advantage of consumerism. We are capitalists; education is our business. Our students should be produced as contributing members toward the society we have. They should learn—learn not what is wrong with our society, but what is right with it. We take what we need for our businesses; we ignore petty things such as basic rights (as we already have them); we show anything on television that grabs the dull attention of an aimless soul whose long workday subjects them to mindless pleasures; and we feed our audiences with sensational news coverage from media conglomerates that appropriately lack in radical (or even differentiating) information.

And yet, the System is failing. The most fearsome glitch in this conundrum is that children know their schools cannot control them. They know their teachers have no real power over them, that they are merely being babysat most of the day while mother and father (or perhaps just mother, or just father, or just neither) are off at work. They are conniving, disobeying ticking bombs ready to detonate the wonderful System we have for pumping students into the economy. Their existence in school is currently a regressive pillar in which they can text all they want, talk to whomever, challenge their teachers and question everything. The latter two are most bothersome. Many teachers today are not taught how to properly deal with student behavior problems—or so it is said. But why should we change the environment of the child when we can actually moderate the child him/herself? Already we moderate children through drugs, to calm down certain overactive behaviors in order to keep them glued to their desk, un-fog their glazed eyes and push them through the seven hour day, away from the outdoors, away from learning “outside the box”, away from thinking critically and, most importantly, away from freedom.

At present we should not lose all hope. Technology, while destructive in the amount of information it holds, is close to being used correctly by our teenagers. Many teenagers bury their heads in their phones, drifting pleasantly from reality, from destructive philosophies and influences that challenge a content first-world lifestyle and persist to look beyond. Beyond is not good.  And while technology can be used in such a way (with the help of media and the government) to help students focus on materialism and “benefiting society” (a wonderfully vague term, is it not?), our future cannot just be a herd of cows feeding on onion grass, waiting to be slaughtered. They must be sheep, free to graze and willing to be sheared of their thickheaded wool.

Even with this hope, America is falling behind. We are not among the top ten nations in education. This is an embarrassment to our reputation as a Western power. How can we maintain a reputation as global hegemon when our children cannot even keep up with countries like Finland and China? Our students are betraying us, and it is time for us to take action. Students struggle to submit, refuse to submit, are afraid to submit. Why should students fear gaining something out of education? Because what really is learning but submission to lessons that maintain the inferior position of the masses?

It is my conclusion, then, that students in today’s society are wasting precious money devoted to their neglected education, thus becoming a burden to their parents, school, community and government. And it is my proposal, then, that the brains of these children have a chip planted in them, a special device that will operate their thoughts and learning ability. This is not “dumbing down” society. This is ensuring a true “equality of opportunity” for our students. With this chip, from now on, there will no longer be any need for flyaways like Albert Einstein. We have technology for that.

Every child will be above average—not for the current reason of grade inflation—because every chip, and thus every child, will be manufactured to absorb the right information. Never mind different interpretations, political views, critical analyses, individual thinking, grey, pink, green or yellow. There is only black and white, right and wrong, and on this perfect conveyor belt of education, every child, every cog in the machine will operate efficiently to ensure the security of the nation and its place in the global economy. Since the government is appropriately unwilling to change the traditional 20th-century assembly line of education, in which children are organized by probability of success (via economic status, race, standardized intelligence, etc.), we will cut back on the frivolous federal funding of almost $10,000 per student and use the resulting savings to create the chip. (Perhaps we can use the savings to profit off the already successful prison system we have in this country. It will give us room to stow even more people from the lower classes. Maybe then people will stop complaining about the so-called “wealth gap” we have in America.) Harvesting these minds before they are too ripe will guarantee our corporate and political leaders a docile society willing to believe in the quality of life they are given, no matter if it is real or not. This is for profit, not parity.

The procedure will take but two hours, cutting into the lower back of the child’s head (rather than the front, which would leave a shameful scar) and meticulously inserting the live chip with minimal bleeding, and, at this point, an 89% success rate. After a year of recovery, at the plump age of five, children will enter a reformed kindergarten with chips fully intact. The chip will meticulously rid the brain of any needless radical ideas (as in changing the status quo in any way) to ensure absorption necessary information. In other words, the chip will modify the brain’s function and act as its host to ingest the highly specialized instructor’s teachings. In high school and university, students will be selected at random for more specified chips, such as those in the sciences and medicine, thus practically eliminating those wasteful art pursuers. Of course, there will be such chips for architecture, perhaps interior design.

Other students will receive chips with the menial but critical work of janitors, waiters, construction workers and so on. The chip will not intellectually stimulate the brains of these future workers. Instead, these workers will accept their fates while the rest of us celebrate ours. We will have the perfect balance in this brave new world of ours, and revolutionaries or protestors wanting change will not interrupt it. We will have progress, but we will not veer from our success. There is no need for change when we have a well-harvested population who happily has no say in the politics of peacemaking, nuclear deterrence, wealth distribution, crime and punishment and so forth. We are currently moving in the right direction: There are more words than actions and more complaints than reforms, especially within our youth. Our society is already too comfortable for revolution. All that is needed now is for the average citizen to shut his mouth and graciously, not begrudgingly, accept reality for what it is, that is, the best that can possibly be had.

Many parents would debate how such a reform could be passed. It is my argument to question. Have we not been working our way towards this?  Every child is graded the same manner, especially in regards to the nationally recognized SAT. And with so much grade inflation, we must look at other factors like extracurricular activities, clubs, societies, sports, etc., to truly see the measurable worth in every child. Intelligence can, of course, be measured but it is too hazy with so many As and Bs floating around. Most importantly, schools have forgotten a particular lesson: to teach children how to think, not what to think. Now that such an archaic notion is dwindling to “just memorize the information for the test and then you can forget about it,” it is only a matter of time before chips, not teachers or dangerous extremist propaganda, mold those innocent brains.

Another argument for such questionable doubt of my proposal is this: have you seen a major protest take place in America on her education System? The majority has accepted the System, other than a senator or two who wish to curb the inflation of interest rates in university loans. The students themselves have most definitely accepted the System with the laziness and fat comfort of the country they live in. Most of their lives are going smoothly; they are content with friends and family and money; and they are unwilling to modify their school environment, no matter how little they learn or how bored they become. They are practically neutralized already by the soothing structure of their society.

The next step is to fit the child into the System itself, not to fit the system to the child. How much time and money would that really be worth? It would be for nothing, just more mindless attempts to help what is helpless. Humans deny their problems; it is only natural. And this “natural” state of mind is perfect for my proposal. The dull acceptance, the unwillingness to do anything to the contrary, the open-mouthed glazed-over facial expression of a distracted and deadened mind: we have succeeded in all of these. Such “lack of progress” is exactly what we need to become the powerful nation we once were. A mind crushed by the overwhelming force of materialism, consumerism, mass media garbage, poor news coverage and overdoses of reality TV is a mind ready to become docile. But an even more appealing mind is that of a four-year-old child. It is the innocent, unbiased mind not yet introduced to the magnitude of life that is a perfect candidate for deactivation.

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