Truly Terrifying Last Minute Halloween Costumes

Kevin Cole

Every year, Halloween costumes are scarier and scarier. My son told me he wants to dress up as Hannibal this year. Not the subtly psychotic killer played by Anthony Hopkins, but the in-your-face murderer from NBC’s hit series “Hannibal.” He proposed a gruesome getup, replete with blood, knives and…antlers? Rather than indulge my boy, I suggested he dress up as one of the many real horrors that surround us daily, such as:

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The All-Seeing Eye

I’m not talking about the eye used to symbolize Sauron in The Lord Of The Rings, as frightening as that was. I’m talking about the eye we see on a daily basis atop our currency and political symbols. The All-Seeing Eye reminds us that we are always observed, surveyed and followed by the New World Order. Perhaps the best way to fight back is to have our children project the eye right back at them. The outfit shouldn’t be too complicated—just replicate Katy Perry’s “Dark Horse” music video costume.

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The Reptilian Hivemind

This is a great group costume that requires very little design on the parents part. The Reptilians, which secretly control this planet, look like you and me thanks to their shape-shifting capabilities. For this charade, gather 6-10 kids in a group. They may wear whatever they want, so long as they speak in unison. It doesn’t hurt if one child can shape-shift to look like the President every few blocks, before shifting back into child-form.

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Monsanto slowly poisons us as they alter our produce to provide a “longer-lasting,” “flavorful” and “affordable” product. But what happens when the middle class is killed off as a result of the products they thought were safe? Head over to your local independent costume shop and purchase any full-body produce costume (I recommend an ear of corn). Add demented eyes, fangs and a freakish combination of tentacles and talons (talontacles).

[Beyoncé’s Image could not be replicated as summoning her likeness has been known to draw attention unwanted from the Illuminati]


We all know she is an agent of the Illuminati. After her VMA performance, your local Halloween shop would be foolish not to stock a ready-made costume of the Queen B, just as you would be foolish to refuse her.

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