Operator: Hello, thank you for calling Domino’s Pizza. How can I help you?
Caller: Hi, I was wondering what the most expensive thing on your menu is.
Operator: Well, that all depends what toppings you plan to add to your purchase.
Caller: I’m not interested in any additives. I just want to know the most expensive thing on the menu.
Operator: There is our ExtravaganZZa Feast Pizza, that comes to about $18 for a large.
Caller: I like the sound of that, put me down for ten of those. I don’t know if I want them yet, but I’d like to be prepared in case I need that kind of pizza.
Operator: I beg your pardon?
Caller: I don’t know if I want or will even need these pizzas. But, please put them on my bill now, just in case.
Caller: Is something the matter?
Operator: Are you planning an event or something? The ExtravaganZZa is a pretty heavy-duty pizza. I’d hate to bring you 10 pizzas you don’t need.
Caller: I don’t have anything particular planned. I’ve spoken to a few friends today, and I think I’d like to get these pizzas just in case they come over.
Operator: So right now, you’re buying these pizzas on the off chance your friends come over.
Caller: Look, this is my call, and at the end of the day, people will look back and say, “Thank god he had the foresight to buy those pizzas.”
Operator: Have you talked to any of your friends about having a party that would require this much pizza?
Caller: Not yet.
Operator: So you’re calling to order ten $18 pizzas for a hypothetical party.
Caller: It’s not hypothetical. There’s a legitimate chance of partying.
Caller: Yes! I spoke to Tom today! We passed each other in the grocery store, exchanged greetings and went on our way. My friend Chris gave me a call just an hour ago, unprompted–wanted to know how I was doing. These things don’t just happen in the same day. I’m pretty sure we’re going to get together later.
Operator: What if Tom and Chris have other plans?
Caller: I’m sure they’ve only got one thing planned tonight, and it’s RAGER AT MY PLACE!
Operator: Fine. Anything else I can do for you, sir?
Caller: …Y’know, now that I think about it, I probably should just get a small pepperoni pizza to hold me over until I know for sure if they’re coming. Wouldn’t want to waste resources.
Operator: Never hurts to play it safe, sir.
Caller: Fuck it. Bring me the ExtravaganZZas!
Operator: That’s not what I meant.
Caller: I didn’t ask what you meant. I know I’ve made up MY mind, and that’s the most important thing. I’m declaring a state of flavor emergency!
Operator: All right. Your name?
Caller: Jay Nixon.
Operator: And your address?
Caller: [Content withheld]
Operator: All right, sir. That comes to $134 before taxes and delivery charge.
Caller: Perfect. I withdrew $1000 in ones out of my account this morning, just in case I needed cash!