Psst… hey you! Look over here… What are you doing? Why are you here? It’s labor day, a day in which you, the common man has the freedom to stay home and host a bar-b-que while celebrating the hard work you pretend to do every other day of the week. This was your chance to cut loose. You could be reading that John Grisham novel by the pool, quietly ignoring your children as they try to start another rousing game of Sharks and Minnows. Yet here you are, staring at your office computer, dicking around on the internet like you have a real reason to be here.
Look around, where’s your boss? Hmm, odd that he didn’t have to come in today. But you know what, it’s all for the best. Now’s your chance, stand up! Stand up right here at your desk. You’ve always hated this desk chair, it’s got lumps in all the wrong places, coffee stains that make it look as if you’ve shit yourself and to top it all off, this is the chair you were sitting in when Denise told you she was leaving. Toss it out the window. Toss it out the third story window! Yes! That’s it! Now pick the lock to executive meeting room. Good. See those high priced chairs, one of those pretty bastards would run you upwards of $300 at Office Max, but today you get your pick of the corporate-visit reserved furniture. And that beautiful mahogany conference table? chop that bad-boy up, you’re going to need it when the heat inevitably stops working this winter. Just think of the hero you’ll be when you’ve got a small fireplace going and women are flocking from across the office to keep warm. Finally, you’ll get the attention you deserve. Happy Labor Day Clarence. Happy Labor Day.