Last month, America’s favorite taint-wipe Martin Shkreli jacked up the cost of the AIDs treatment Daraprim by over 5000%. He recently came out of hiding to donate $2,700 to Bernie Sanders’ campaign in hopes of getting a meeting with the presidential candidate. Unfortunately for Shkreli, Sanders refused to accept the donation or arrange a meeting and instead donated the $2,700 to an HIV Clinic. Being the pissbaby that he is, Shkreli proceeded to throw a tantrum, punching his wall so hard that he fractured his own wrist.
We considered just publishing this story for it’s sheer beauty until we realized that this is only the first wave of Karma to hit Shkreli.
Obviously, Shkreli has a lot of work to do before things start to balance out. Here are some things we at The Annual expect to see the universe toss at him in the coming year.
- His wall won’t take the punch and donates it to the Used Needle bin at his doctor’s office
- An inevitable dick-pic scandal
- A paper cut on the sole of his foot
- Discovers the tickets he scalped to see Hamilton are counterfeits and in a fit of rage punches the naked cowboy who proceeds to toss him down a flight of subway stairs.
- Realizes the only presidential candidate who will meet with him is Ben Carson
- After losing his house keys Shkreli must live amongst the garbage like the human trash-pile he is.
- Financial ruin
- Contracts the one disease he can no longer afford to treat
–Kevin Cole, Brad Rosen