Honesty is the best policy until it stops you from getting laid. Here’s to all the things we wish we could say:
- Fat
- Hater of Dogs
- Hater of Nerd Shit
- Can’t cook, won’t cook
- Fun mix of inflated ego and self-loathing
- NO GYM RATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Don’t worry about how you’ll tell my parents we met because you’re never meeting my parents?
- Will cry at: series finales, traffic, everything else
- Your dog smells bad, and also sucks
- Who gives a shit how tall you are why are all of you so obsessed with this no one gives a hell
- Probably bad at sex but you can do it to me anyway
- We Will Never Actually Meet
–Christine McQuaid & Claire
The Annual 
This is hysterical. I would add for both men and women:
-Buys cheap booze but expensive coffee
-Entire underwear drawer full of things with the elastic failing
-Vehicle has not been vacuumed this year, or last
-Projects hatred of own slightly sagging tits onto others with slightly sagging tits
-Your nonexistent pubic hair makes me feel like a pedophile
-Your cologne makes you smell like a Miami port-o-potty in July
-Thongs are really just anal floss and should be discarded after one use, but I’ll collect yours like baseball cards
-Hates gaming and anime but won’t hesitate to dress up as Sailor Moon in the bedroom
Personally I would never do Tinder but I find this very funny and rather accurate as well which I find amusing.