Truths We’re Too Thirsty To Put In Our Tinder Bios

Honesty is the best policy until it stops you from getting laid. Here’s to all the things we wish we could say:

  • Fat
  • Hater of Dogs
  • Hater of Nerd Shit
  • Can’t cook, won’t cook
  • Fun mix of inflated ego and self-loathing
  • NO GYM RATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Don’t worry about how you’ll tell my parents we met because you’re never meeting my parents?
  • Will cry at: series finales, traffic, everything else
  • Your dog smells bad, and also sucks
  • Who gives a shit how tall you are why are all of you so obsessed with this no one gives a hell
  • Probably bad at sex but you can do it to me anyway
  • We Will Never Actually Meet

Christine McQuaid & Claire

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2 thoughts on “Truths We’re Too Thirsty To Put In Our Tinder Bios”

  1. This is hysterical. I would add for both men and women:

    -Buys cheap booze but expensive coffee
    -Entire underwear drawer full of things with the elastic failing
    -Vehicle has not been vacuumed this year, or last
    -Projects hatred of own slightly sagging tits onto others with slightly sagging tits
    -Your nonexistent pubic hair makes me feel like a pedophile
    -Your cologne makes you smell like a Miami port-o-potty in July
    -Thongs are really just anal floss and should be discarded after one use, but I’ll collect yours like baseball cards
    -Hates gaming and anime but won’t hesitate to dress up as Sailor Moon in the bedroom

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