Santorum’s Campaign Entirely Fueled by Thoughts and Prayers

Annual Hackers recently uncovered the following email from within the Santorum campaign.

Dear Rick,

The latest polls are in and I simply must implore you to try a new campaign strategy. Back in 2012 you were a potential frontrunner, now we are dead last among every other GOP candidate. Rick, I’m begging you, please let us get out and do some actual campaigning. Enlisting evangelicals to come in and pray 8 hours a day for you to win is not working. You and I both know that God wants us to win, but we don’t have a change in H-E-Double hockey sticks if don’t start printing out flyers or putting your face on a billboard. Anything.

I’ve CCed the Santorum Think Tank on this as well. It cost a lot to fill a room with atheists and pay them to think about your presidency and the fact that you will win, but that’s no longer enough. I’m putting my foot down as campaign manager and asking them to stop thinking about the end goal and rather what it will take for us to get there. I’ve also asked the Think Tank to stop thinking about how “God is dead” because it might be counteracting the 8 hour prayer circle.

If prayers fail to start upping our poll numbers by Wednesday I will pull our staffers from the prayer circle so we can pay them to do graphic design and whatever else they were hired for.

Terry Allen
Campaign Manager – Santorum 2016

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