Aunt Linda’s Christmas Wish

To my beloved sister,

As I’m sure you know, the holiday season is upon us and I typically don’t ask for much but there’s only one thing on my list this year: The newest issue of PAPER Magazine. This publication covers so many facets of the entertainment industry that I feel it will really help me connect with my nieces this year. If you could send me a copy before Christmas that would really help. That way I can get caught up on everything DJ Mazurbate and Carla Deleplane are up to before Midnight Mass.

The holidays have been particularly tough time for me since Muffins (God bless her soul) went to the little kitty can in the sky. I often lay awake at night wishing for a warm embrace, someone to rest their head on my lap—I know this is awfully personal but if I can’t be open with my own sister, who can I talk to? Anyway, this particular issue of PAPER Magazine features an interview with John Stamos and I found him oh-so charming on Full House. They say he’s coming back as Uncle Jesse and I simply must have the scoop. PAPER Magazine even did a photoshoot with him and truth be told the results are a little racey.

It’s not that I am asking for the magazine solely for this article but I have to know if there are more images in print than PAPER has to offer on their website. Perhaps a better glimpse at the dark side of the “New Moon of John Stamos.” Oh, I always knew he was a bad boy! Remember when we would watch Full House the dorm’s common room? I always fantasized about having a motorcycle riding Uncle Jesse of my own to bring home to the family. My home printer is broken and I’m no longer permitted to use the one at the library but I simply must be able to gaze at those piping hot-crossed-buns before I go to bed. Of course, I’m far too embarrassed to buy the issue myself, what if he found out? Would he think less of me?

All I ask this Christmas is that you forward the issue to my apartment with nothing more said than a simple “you got it, dude!”

Love,
Linda

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