Where are the guns?

Honey? Honey wake up! Something’s not right.

Oh my god, where are my guns? They’re gone! They’re all gone! Okay, don’t panic, they’ve got to be here somewhere maybe I accidentally left them behind the gun safe or in the pantry, they’re always the last place you used them. Jesus, where did I put them? What if the kids got a hold of them? No. I always told them not to play with the guns. They’re good kids, they’ll listen. They — oh, thank god they’re asleep.

Wait a minute… Of course. That bastard! The man from the TV, he said he would take them! I thought we were safe, I thought if I locked them away I could hold onto them for one more day. How could I have let my guard down? He just came in the middle of the night, unseen and unheard, like an evil Santa Claus. We weren’t even offered the chance to participate in a buy-back program. Just like that all my guns are gone. My Colt, my AK, my Han Solo blaster replica! All gone!

I can’t defend myself, my family, my kingdom. We’ll have to enroll in Jiu Jitsu classes. I just hope those Brazillians can be trusted…

Hey kids! Who wants to learn a martial art!? We have to learn all of them before President Mussolini comes knocking the door down to take you away and force you to pray to his sun god.

Daddy’s just going to go to the bathroom for a minute and then we’ll begin your home schooling. Wait… WHERE IS IT!?!

Kevin Cole

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