In this week’s campfire address, Senator Bernie Sanders speaks about the results of the Iowa Caucus and some of the radical ideas he plans to bring to the White House.
Please send any questions you have for Senator Sanders to BerniesCampfire@gmail.com or tweet @SandersCampfire.
My good friends, pull up a log, I’d like to speak with you for a few minutes about the results of the Iowa Caucus. Ever since we began this campaign, I have been referred to as “simply unelectable” and I stand here before you today to ask, would an unelectable candidate virtually tie with the democratic frontrunner? Splitting the vote by less than one percent? I THINK NOT! What we have done in Iowa is prove that democracy works by its own definition, that virtually any candidate is electable as long as people get out, write their name on a piece of paper and put it into an electoral hat, as can be found at any major polling station. Perhaps it’s time we start spreading the rhetoric that the only candidates who ought to be unelectable are the racists, the xenophobics, and the climate change deniers on the other side of the aisle.
Now, Secretary Clinton ran a great campaign and gave a great victory speech. Afterall, I suppose you could accurately round up a 50/50 tie to account for a complete victory. However, I would also like to point out that there is now a 50/50 split in democratic candidates who have a super pac, which is to say, I do not have a super pac, which is not to say anything specific about Secretary Clinton, but to more specifically say that I am the only candidate who cannot financially be bought out by the corporate interests. So here’s a radical idea: a campaign run by the people and for the people. The voters. And in the day following the Iowa Caucus, THE PEOPLE gave 3 million to our campaign. Which I think is pretty radical, and I don’t say that in a misfired attempt to connect to youthful surfers, I say that as term I’ve been using my whole life.
So if a campaign run for the people isn’t radical enough for you, here are a few more radical, fly ideas I’ve been cooking up:
- Ice cream for breakfast.
- Popcorn at the movies for a reasonable price while employees are paid a reasonable living wage.
- A 360 ollie with a kickflip off the backrail
- A Super Bowl every month for every sport
- Increased production rate on Star Wars Episodes 8 and 9 and an end to the discussion about “Young Han Solo stand alone films”
- A new system to separate Classic Rock from 90s Grunge Hits on the radio
- A new LCD Soundsystem Album
- An age where people are generally more fulfilled at their job, of which they only need one to get by.
I promise, the Sanders campaign will only grow to be more and more radical as we go down the road. So stick by the fireside and be sure to tune into Saturday Night Live this Saturday where Larry David will be performing his Larry David impression while feeling the Bern.