We The Wiggles are excited to return to the states as members of Ben Carson’s presidential cabinet. Dr. Carson has looked over the fruit salad of our souls and approved it as “yummy yummy!”
In the interest of total transparency, something we The Wiggles believe is very important, we have been appointed in an obvious effort to court the youth vote. Still, it’s the forward thinking of assembling a cabinet 6 months before the nomination, that is what you can expect from President Carson. As foreigners we will also be shining examples of Carson’s “Guest Workers” program for undocumented immigrants.
Many of you are likely wondering which roles we will be filling, as there is unfortunately no cabinet slot of “Secretaries of Fun!” Anthony, the last remaining original Wiggle will fill the role of Secretary of State, he is the most experienced having served as a rifleman in the Royal Australian Regiment, he also makes the best fruit salad. Simon, who self-identifies as “into fitness and health” will obviously fill the role of Secretary of Health and Human Services. Lachy, who performed the roll of Wags the Dog before becoming a full time Wiggle, will head up the Department of Energy. Lastly, Emma, the first female Wiggle, will serve as Secretary of Agriculture, which is in line with Dr. Carson’s views on women and gardening.
We’ve been asked to reach out to former Wiggles to help fill the remaining cabinet positions (as Ben told us “who knew there were more than four?”) Unfortunately, Jeff has been too tired to answer the phone.