Donald J. Trump Statement Regarding Abortion (2nd Revision)

Abortion is a tricky subject. There are a lot of layers. A lot of Layers. But my wavering stance on the issue doesn’t mean I’m not right for women, much like Mel Gibson, I know what women want, I hate the jews, and I don’t shy away from using the term sugartits. I know the PC police aren’t fans of that word. “Oh, did you hear Trump said sugartits? How un-PC!” Well tough tits, I know women’s bodies and I understand the government’s right to control them.

The problem is, women don’t know women’s bodies. I know, I can read their minds, like I said: Mel Gibson. What Women Want. Terrific film. I read a woman’s mind on 5th Avenue and all she could think about was having a baby, carrying it to term, and should something happen prior to birth finding peace while serving hard time. That seems fair. But I echo this sentiment and suddenly everyone’s upset with me? Excuse me, but it’s not my fault they can’t make up their minds. So suddenly I’m anti-women? Me?

Even Lyin’ Cruz is stepping up to the plate? Have you seen his wife? He marries and uggo and suddenly he’s a crusader for women’s rights!? THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS TED. I don’t want Ted’s support. I don’t need Ted’s support. But I’m pretty sure we’re both republicans, which means we know a women’s place isn’t in prison – but it’s also not in the work place, I’m looking at you Fiorina.

Look, when I’m president this won’t even be an issue. We won’t have to make abortion illegal because women won’t need abortions. I guarantee it. I have the purest seed and billions of dollars. So when you come to see me on mandatory mating day, trust me, you’re in good large hands.

-Donald J. Trump

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