Donald Trump: You know, most women curtsey when they greet me.
Megyn Kelly: I can’t remember the last time I curtseyed for anyone.
Trump: Would you like to try it?
Trump: Suit yourself. If I were you–
Kelly: Well, you’re not me.
Trump: Oh my god! Is that how this is going to go? You interrupting me? That’s very rude. I’m sorry Megyn, but you’re rude. You’re a rude person. Some of my religious friends would call you a suppressive person. I’m just saying, if I were you, I would start practicing now because when I’m the president that’s how all women will greet me. A slight bend at the knees, subtly spreading their legs while lifting their skirts just a teensy bit. It’ll be required. Especially the skirts. No more of these butch women in pants. Keep it ladylike.
Kelly: … okay. Mr. Trump, at campaign rallies you’ve–
Trump: Wait a minute. You’re not on the rag are you? Because that’s a perfectly acceptable reason not to curtsey, I wouldn’t want to put you in that position.
Kelly: Mr. Trump, I’m not–
Trump: After all, our agreement does state that this interview wouldn’t happen during that time. So, I’m also mentioning it for my own safety. I mean, I have guards, the best protection. So this is really for your safety too.
Kelly: I can assure you–
Trump: You women, you just get so hostile! There’s an insatiable blood lust. You’re like dogs. You’re all a bunch of dogs. Sad, it’s sad, it’s a sad thing.
Kelly: I’M NOT ON MY PERIOD!
Trump: Okay! No need to shout. I’m mean, you’re not on your period.
Kelly: I’m sorry, I lost my composure.
Trump: Apology accepted.
Kelly: Let’s start over.
Trump: You got it, sister! [Mimics a tape recorder rewinding]
Kelly: Hey, that’s pretty good!
Trump: You like that? [Mimics tape recorder a second time]
Kelly: [Mimics tape recorder back]
Trump: You’ve got to go a little higher [Mimics tape recorder]
Kelly: Like this? [Mimics tape recorder]
This continues for three full minutes.
Kelly: [laughing] Gosh, you’re fun.
Trump: I am. I’m a fun guy. I’m like the Splash Mountain of people and let me tell ya Megyn, everyone’s lining up to take a ride. We’re currently developing fast-passes for my most passionate supporters. They’ll be able to get in and out of my speeches without having to wait. If they get arrested for defending me, those fast-passes are gonna send a message to the cops, who I love, that say “Don’t worry. The Donald’s got it.”
Kelly: Mr. Trump, your campaign has seen an almost meteoric rise to power.
Trump: That’s true, it’s undeniable and it’s tremendous. Like I said they can’t get enough. There are these people… These Americans who are disenfranchised and they see me and say to themselves “He’s really got a great.”
Kelly: … A great what?
Trump: A great. I am a great. My power can not be denied.
Kelly: Mr. Trump, what’s your favorite color?
Trump: Blue’s nice. I like gold. Is gold a color or a mineral? I can never tell. I’ve had decorators pull out a color wheel and they can’t find it, so I take out one of my dinner plates and tell them “Make it like this. This is the only color wheel you need.” So blue and gold. If there were a type of person with gold hair and blue eyes, that’d really be perfect. The perfect person.
Kelly: Well, I’m afraid we’re out of time. Mr. Trump thank you so much.
Trump: Of course Megyn. I’m so glad we were able to put our differences aside for what will absolutely be a tremendous hour of highly-watched television. A killer in the ratings, I have no doubt.
Kelly: Nor have I, Peace be with you.
Trump: And also with you.