It’s the longest day of the year, alternatively, the atmosphere has provided us with some of the hottest temperatures on record. Regardless of where you are, things are getting hot and you can use these tips to survive the solstice.

1. Gather your friends and stand in an abandoned pool until the heat compels you to host a functioning pool party.
2. Break open your A/C Unit and stuff ice cubes into whatever empty space you can find.
3. Casually browse Alaskan Airbnb listings
4. Go streaking until you realize you are too hot and tired to run.
5. Stand in the nude.
6. Realizing the low cost of ice and syrups, open a Sno-cone stand and become a millionaire (it’s the longest day of the year, you have time).
7. Start sweatin’ to the oldies!
8. Purchase a cold-blooded lizard and learn its ways.
9. Let the bastards get you down.
10. Call your relatives and tell them you love them.
11. Lay in bed as the sweat pools around you, slowly you will become one with the moisture in the air and evaporate.

–Kevin Cole