THINK TIME! Ryan Lochte Should Be Exiled

Olympic gold medalist Ryan Lochte has been under intense scrutiny for the past week following false claims that he had been robbed at gunpoint. Lochte is downplaying the incident on various news programs, stating that he “over-exaggerated” an event which never occurred.

“I over-exaggerate all the time,” Lochte told Matt Lauer of The Today Show, “I flew home from Rio a few nights ago, but that didn’t stop me from telling my friends that I swam back. See, just another classic Lochte-exaggeration!” But few are buying the 32 year old’s defense. Many are debating how the false claims should be handled. Will Ryan Lochte be tried in an international court? Will he be stripped of his medals and banned from competition?

I think the most fitting punishment is that which has not yet been suggested, that Ryan Lochte be forced to live out his remaining days in exile. The olympian should be allowed to keep his medals as a reminder of the life and future he once had. Armed with his medals and a fair supply of food and water, Lochte will be dropped off in a remote section of the Nevada desert. There he may dream of water but never swim within it, unless he is able to discover a cavernous river beneath the rocks. There, he will spend the remainder of his life, gaining both a newfound perspective on life and an impressively long beard.

For decades, local children will tell tales of “Old Hermit Lochte” but few will venture out to see him. Those that do, if Ryan has learned not to take humanity for granted, will learn to swim in the cavernous rivers beneath the state and there, they will become stronger than any swimmer to come before him. Having let go of his pride, Old Hermit Lochte will award his gold medal to the child. Only then will he be permitted to return to society.

Kevin Cole

Support our writers on Patreon

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s