Fred Jagly’s invitation is waiting for your response!

Subject: Fred Jagly’s invitation is waiting for your response!
From: LinkedIn (DO NOT REPLY)

Listen, we know this will likely go straight into your spam folder but hear us out: Fred sent you a LinkedIn request a week and a half ago and we really think he’s just looking for someone new to connect to. Fred logged onto his account for the the first time in a year last week, he browsed third and second degree connections for an hour and somehow came to you, he sent a request and logged off.

This is such a rare phenomenon at LinkedIn, so why not give a fellow graduate of your alma mater a chance? We noticed you haven’t visited LinkedIn in a while either and who knows, maybe you’ll find someone else worth connecting with… professionally, of course.

Thanks for using LinkedIn!

Subject: Fred Jagly’s invitation is still waiting for your response!
From: LinkedIn (DO NOT REPLY)

You would not believe it, just yesterday Fred Jagly, your old college buddy, logged onto LinkedIn for two and half minutes, checked his connection approvals and logged out. Not that it’s any of our business, but we think he’s still waiting for you to sign on as his LinkedIn Connection. It’s been a while since either of you have really taken the time to delve into the site, and once you approve his request you could reap the benefits of our new feature: LinkedInMail!

LinkedInMail is a messaging service/app that enables you to stay in touch with your LinkedIn-Work-Acquaintances, the kind of people whose email you wouldn’t have for any other reason. Doesn’t that sound like a fun new thing you can really since your teeth into? Please, log on and you could be the first to give it a try!

Thanks for using LinkedIn!

Subject: Fred Jagly really needs you to connect on LinkedIn!
From: LinkedIn (DO NOT REPLY)

Here at LinkedIn we pride ourselves in establishing some of the web’s strongest business connections. Thanks to these unbreakable ties, we have uncovered insider information that PharmaCorps LLC will likely fold in the next week. You may not know it, but PharmaCorps LLC currently employs your potential LinkedIn Connection Fred Jagly and when the shit hits the fan he could really use a shoulder to cry on.

C’mon, this is a guy with a wife a two kids, they’re right there in his profile pic (which is technically unprofessional, but we’re working with Fred to change that). You can’t let him know about the impending corporate collapse, but we beg you, approve his LinkedIn request. It’s the least you can do.

Thanks for using LinkedIn!

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