What Year Is It?

“Jesus Christ!” I wake up to a barrage of coughing. How long had I been asleep? My facial hair feels to be about the same length which could mean I’ve been for any amount of time, from minutes to months. I honestly don’t remember the last time I was this sick, probably at the turn of Spring, when temperatures jumped ten degrees.

Whether they jump or they drop, ten degrees is all it takes to leave me incapacitated these days. I remember coming home from work, my stomach filled with fermenting cough drops, I tell myself to eat and get some work done… and somehow I ended up here in bed.

From there it’s all a blur. A fever dream in which I was visited by three spirits and I don’t know why, but two of them were Tom and Jerry, the notable cartoon cat and mouse. I’m not sure when these animated characters passed away but they sure are less funny as spirits. Somehow their slapstick antics carry a dreadful reminder of mortality when they visit you from beyond the grave. The urged me to wake up and self-medicate with more DayQuil.

That’s when a question came to mind that we all must ask ourselves at some point in life: was I hiding pneumonia? Sure, hiding pneumonia seems like a fun and presidential thing to do, but every day dozens of Americans hide pneumoniatic symptoms from family, friends, even themselves. The answer was probably (though not diagnostically) yes.

A bad cough, general tiredness and sweaty palms. These were all symptoms of pneumonia as defined by WebMD. Sure, my palms didn’t seem to get too sweaty until I thought about whether or not I had sweaty palms, but it was enough to prove that I was unfit to lead. This of course, is why posts were staggered on the site for the past week. Now my body has adjusted to weather and just in time for the nightmarish onslaught of Halloween Horror Stories that will fill The Annual for the next month.

Kevin Cole

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