Over the weekend, we started a petition to ban presidential candidate Ted Cruz from all public restrooms. We at The Annual feel this is best for the safety of our children and all innocent bathroom goers. If you sign one web-based petition, we hope you will head over to change.org and help protect our public bathrooms from this notable creep.
Recently, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz came out against the rights of trans people to use any public restrooms. While the self appointed captain of the Bathroom Police claims to be concerned about the safety of children and innocent bathroom goers, this is where the Christian idealist fails to truly know thyself.
While feigning concern about the safety of children, Ted Cruz has been actively supported by the Duggar family. This family notably spent years covering up Josh Duggar’s incestuous, child abuse scandal. If Ted Cruz trusts the Duggars, can we trust Ted Cruz to use the same bathrooms as our children?
To make matters worse, during his time in Princeton, Cruz would often don a bathrobe and loiter around the women’s dormitory. President or not, what’s to stop this man from doing the same near our public restrooms? Not only is it dangerous for this man to be using the same bathrooms as the general public, but he could cause just as much trouble from outside these facilities.
This petition will call on President Obama to sign an executive order banning Ted Cruz from entering or standing within 50 feet of any public restroom in the United States of America. Let’s keep Lucifer out of our latrines!
“We should have seen this coming.” The final words of Marco Rubio 2016 echoed down the halls of the electoral hospital where Rubio lay in his final hours next to John Kasich 2016. Many wondered what he meant by we, certainly any electoral official or persons making a passing glance at the news could have seen that Little Marco’s best days were behind him.
In his final weeks among the American public, it was clear that dementia had begun to set in. Taken to imitating those around him, Rubio 2016 thrashed about on-stage taking cheap shots at Donald Trump 2016. With reckless abandon he spurted off jokes that one can only hope he had written himself – or at the very least bought off an aging comic from the Catskills. Whatever it was, it had become apparent that if Marco were to survive the season, then Barack Obama 2008 would be the last president to have a half-way decent grasp on comedy.
Here at The Annual we didn’t have much to say about Marco Rubio 2016. We saw this coming. However, when making illustrations of each candidate, Editor-in-Chief Kevin Cole remarked that he’d likely vote for the candidate that was easiest to draw and that “Rubio was one simple looking motherfucker.”
Marco Rubio 2016 had the name of a campaign that ought to lighten up on immigration and a long history of representing his constituents as well as Trump (a campaign with no constituents). The fact that he is even allowed to hold public office with such a piss-poor voting record is evidence of how special America truly is. In his passing we wish him a peaceful rest so that he may fail to attend as many senate hearings as he did prior to taking on the 2016 title.
After being ignored by the mainstream media it seems Bernie can’t catch a break as he explains his recent youtube-imposed absence.
Please send any questions you have for Senator Sanders to BerniesCampfire@gmail.com or tweet @SandersCampfire.
Following this afternoon’s announcement that he would not run for president, Joe Biden is outranking all democratic contenders in a recent Goucher Poll. Currently 41% of democrats polled say they would vote for Biden, leaving 32% for Hillary Clinton, 24% for Bernie Sanders and the remaining 3% undecided.
“After the announcement, we rushed to the phones in order to see where the American people stood on the election without Biden in the running.” Said Dr. Mileah Kromer, Director of the Sarah T. Hughes Field Politics Center. “Turns out, they want more Biden.”
Speaking from the White House Rose Garden, Biden stated that “the window to mount a realistic campaign had closed.” Not to be deterred, Biden supporters are holding on to hope that when Joe closes a window, he opens a door. A door to an unrealistic campaign.
Frank Hessman, a steadfast Biden supporter was quick to note that “Joe [Biden] said he would not run, but that he would not stay silent. If he stays in the newscycle and speaks out on the issues, in the end people will see no reason not to vote for him.” Grasping at straws, Hessman went on to add, “he wouldn’t have to spend a dollar on campaigning, and if he can pull that off imagine what he’ll do for the national debt.”
As Biden’s numbers continue to rise it seems as if Americans want a candidate who is honest enough to admit that he doesn’t want the worst job in country.
CNN’s Democratic Debate ran for almost three hours. During that time the top five democratic contenders for the presidency discussed issues ranging from race to gun control, but it was Senator Bernie Sanders who stole the show…
Oh yeah, that’s right Bernie! For the past 6 months Hillary’s campaign has been stifled by the controversy over emails she kept on a private server, but not anymore. It’s time to hunker down and focus on the real issues, next question Mr. Cooper?
Wait wait, this better be about policy because…
Well said! The American people want to hear about where the candidates stand on such issues as climate change and foreign policy, not whether or not Hillary secretly deleted emails that belong in the public record. This is a debate after all, not a time to discuss where the emails of our Secretary of State ought to be stored. So enough is enough with these emails! Let ’em hear you in back, Bernie!