Tag Archives: America

This Week 2 Years of The Last Hurrah – AMERICA: history, Patriotism, and Other mistakes

Kick off your week in style with the newest Last Hurrah in podcast form!

82 – AMERICA: history, Patriotism, and Other mistakes

This week on The Last Hurrah, guest host Christine McQuaid takes over to talk about all thing America! Joined by panelist Lydia Hadfield and bandleader Thom Huenger, the three cover past 4th of July celebrations- the good, the bad, and the ugly. This episode also features a heated US History trivia game between two audience members. Last but not least, The Frederick County Patriotism Liaison joins in on the fun to give the dos and don’ts of how to be your best patriotic self this week

Subscribe and review the show on iTunes or stream it on LastHurrahLive.com

Then, join us at the Maryland Ensemble Theatre on Sunday July 10th for a new adventure!

This week marks to two week anniversary of The Last Hurrah, join Kevin Cole, Christine McQuaid and the long awaited return of Two-Man Family (but not by blood) Jam Band featuring Thom Huenger and Karli Cole! They’re bringing the laughs and so much more!

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5th of July Beer-Shits at An All Time High

Another year has come and gone in America, and with it came backyard barbeques, parties, and celebrations to recognize our independence. Unfortunately, after consuming copious amounts of meat, cheese, and alcohol, the greatest problem facing our nation is “the day after beer-shits.”

The 5th of July has become synonymous with aching bellies and hours spent on the porcelain throne, as the fermented yeasts and aged beef fight one another for dominance in the gut. Along with the actual disgusting dumps and diarrhea explosions, we humans subject ourselves to the foulest gases exiting our bodies from both ends, and the ever present danger of hoping you just have to fart, but then not being sure if it was just gas that came out. Now, with all kinds of vegetarian options being throw into the mix with tofu and hummus, the 4th of July has become a danger zone of activity for the human body, with our toilets (and dignity) paying the price the following day.

With such a crisis on our hands, we need to band together and get the President, Congress, and the House of Representatives to declare the 5th of July a National Holiday as well. We can’t possibly continue at our current rate of over-doing everything on the fourth, only to be expected to show up not hungover and ready to perform our regularly scheduled work, not feeling like a pile of garbage. There are a lot of pressing issues facing our nation, but claiming the 5th of July as a new National Holiday should be at the top of the list. Our country (and bodies) can’t survive another year of throwing caution to the wind on the 4th , and expecting to be fully recovered by 8am the next day; it just isn’t possible.

So, as you sit in the bathroom reading this article, be sure to open a new email in between waves of nausea and intestine-cramping, and send it to your local representative, demand that they support our initiative to make the 5th of July a national holiday. Have another beer while you’re at it; we both know you aren’t going anywhere for awhile.

‘Murica.

T.M. Scholtes

TLH – Indoor Fireworks & Bernie Sanders’ Froyo

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The newest Last Hurrah is now available online, download it and subscribe to the show via iTunes.

On July 5th, The Last Hurrah took to the Maryland Ensemble Theatre’s Stage 2 space to put Baker Park’s leftover fireworks to good use. Then they sat down with Scott Travers, Isabel Duarte and Katie Rattigan to discuss Bernie Sander’s froyo habits and decrepit american theme parks.

Panelists:
Isabel Duarte
Katie Rattigan
Scott Travers
Special Guest:
Wilson Seltzer
Ysa Seltzer
Episode Writers:
Kevin Cole
Isabel Duarte
Christine McQuaid
Katie Rattigan

Join the fun every Sunday at 7pm at the Maryland Ensemble Theatre

Learn more at LastHurrahLive.com

American? You Bet You Are! Wouldn’t You Like A Curved TV?

Kevin Cole

Come on down to Mike’s Jumbotron Depot before The Big Game and pick up curved ultra HD television for just $1,999. It’s the most American way to watch the Patriots and Seahawks go head-to-head. Who wouldn’t want to usher friend after friend into their home this Sunday only to hear them exclaim, “Jesus Christ! Is that a curved TV?!”

If there’s anything more American than football, it’s a curved TV, offering visuals so crisp they exceed the perception of the human eye. It’s that excess your friends are sure to notice, as they scarf down bags upon bags of Fritos and view Tom Brady’s fully inflated balls with utmost clarity. So pick up your new Curved TV from Mike’s Jumbotron Depot for only $1,499!

Oh, say can you see every bead of sweat on the face of those heroes? It’s the biggest night in television–you don’t want your friends to think you’re a Communist sympathizer as you watch The Big Game on that dinky little standard definition tube TV, do you? Here’s your chance to really celebrate the sacrifices of true-blooded Americans like Marshawn Lynch: with a Curved Ultra High Def TV from Mike’s Jumbotron Depot for only $1,249.

Whether you’re rooting for the Seahawks or the Patriots, you won’t want to miss a pixel of this year’s Big Game. Within every pixel is an American flag, and if you’re not enjoying the game at an excess of 2160 pixels, you might as well be pissing on the First Amendment. Celebrate your freedom with a Curved Ultra HDTV from Mike’s Jumbotron Depot for only $999!

September 11th changed our country in ways we will never forget. But, once a year we can put that behind us and enjoy The Big Game. It was George Bush who encouraged us to shop more in a post-9/11 America, and that’s what we’re here for. Besides, haven’t you heard that American singer/songwriter/sex symbol Katy Perry will be playing the halftime show? Now, who wouldn’t want to see that on a Curved Ultra HDTV from Mike’s Jumbotron Depot for only $699?!

Look, how about this: do you want to see The Big Game like you’ve never seen it before? Touchdowns? Passes? Interceptions? What if you went down to Mike’s Jumbotron Depot and bought a Curved Ultra HDTV for only $499 and we gave you a second one for free? It’s that easy! You could put them next to each other and pretend the football field is twice as large, making the players twice as good. You’ll have two Curved TVs, and we’ll have two less because you only bought one! What a good deal! Please, don’t you want to enjoy the game?

ALL CURVED ULTRA HIGH DEF TVS MUST GO! Sweet Jesus, there’s a fire–we don’t know how this could have started, but you better get down to Mike’s Jumbotron Depot and grab an Curved Ultra High Def Television from the rubble before it’s too late! All TVs lost in the fire will have to be claimed as a major loss, but you can get them before the fire goes out for whatever cash you happen be carrying when you get to Mike’s Jumbotron Depot.

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Join the Football Fun at The Last Hurrah this Saturday

Surviving a Fourth Of July Hurricane

Kevin Cole

Hurricane season has begun and unfortunately, the first hurricane of the year has chosen America’s birthday to strike the coast. This has left many on the East Coast wondering what to do in the event that Arthur impedes on their holiday plans. It would be simply unamerican to reschedule, so here’s a convenient guide to enjoying the fourth amidst inclement weather:

COOKOUTS:

It’s awfully hard to keep a grill lit during a torrential downpour so take those burgers inside, put that fireplace to use during the summer. If you don’t have a propane fireplace you’ll want to keep some dry firewood handy. Then, simply wrap your patties around a meat skewer and roast away, it’ll feel like summer camp, only you’ll be inside. This is also an effective way to keep your house well lit in the event of a power outage.

FOURTH OF JULY PARADES:

It’s more than likely that your town may cancel their Independence Day Parade due to the safety concerns but with the World Wide Web it’s easier than ever to live stream distant parades. We recommend this border cam where you can view hundreds of Americans and Non-Americans parading across the border, just as our founding fathers did a little over 234 years ago.

FIREWORKS:

During a hurricane nature provides its own natural form of fireworks. Venture out into the dark of night, picnic blanket in tow, and set up shop underneath a nice tall tree. The fresh summer leaves will keep you dry as the storm rages around you. Now, sit back and enjoy lighting strikes in the distance, each bolt is a firework from God’s personal connection, and just wait for finale!