Tag Archives: Andrew Michaels

The Annual’s Last Minute Christmas Wish List

Hey, we hope you remembered to snag a gift for the stone cold pack of weirdos running your third favorite web-based humor publication. If not, here are some last minute ideas:

  • Paper and pencil to write the list.
  • To not hear the word Trump for 48 hours total
  • Left shark onesie pajamas
  • Amnesty for late gifts on our end
  • Time to watch Making A Murderer
  • Star Wars Episode VIII
  • A Rosetta Stone for Yiddish
  • To witness someone shart at a holiday party and have them look at me so they know I know
  • One gold bar (they never go down in value)
  • More battery on my phone before it

Kevin ColeBriana Haynie, Andrew Michaels, T.M. Scholtes

 

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

It’s me, again. It has been 15 years since my last entry. What’s been going on, you ask? Well, since I am now 23, puberty was a big change. But I don’t need to bore you with those hairy details. I’d have to say that the biggest development is my relationship status. I’ve got a girlfriend! I know what you’re thinking: “What about those descriptive entries that clearly pointed to some bi-curious tendencies?” I’m just going to blame that on the heated Twister match with my cousin. Anyway, she’s finally met my mom and dad for the first time and, boy, was it a doozy.

Dinner was okay. We went to a nice restaurant with great food. But it got a little weird when my mom kept saying she was going to steal the saltshakers while my dad ordered a drink called a Bikini Martini. I had no problem with that…until he started talking about wearing a bikini.

Later, we went back to our house and my girlfriend told me she really wanted to play a game called “Cards Against Humanity.” In case you don’t know, it’s basically a perverted version of “Apples to Apples,” involving white cards with a noun that must be matched with black cards that are either fill-in-the-blank statements or questions. Without much thought, I agreed.

At the beginning, our cards mainly consisted of curse words, which didn’t really bother me since my mom says them all the time. However, just like that Twister game, things got erotic pretty quickly. I picked a black card that asked, “How did my last relationship end?” Without hesitation, Mom slapped down her white card: Micropenis.

Mom implied that I had a MICROPENIS IN FRONT OF MY GIRLFRIEND! WHAT’S UP WITH THAT? I tried to quickly move on as it was now my girlfriend’s turn. Her card read, “__________ leads to _________.” And, just like Mom, Dad slapped down his two cards: Road head AND friendly fire. I mean, C’MON! ROAD HEAD leads to FRIENDLY FIRE?!

I guess it wasn’t a complete disaster because my girlfriend still kissed me goodnight as I dropped her off at home, ending the conversation with an “I love you.” All I gotta say is that if my crazy family didn’t faze her one bit, I’ve got one hell of a girl on my hands. Talk to ya later, Diary.

                                    Andrew Michaels

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Additional Awkward Affairs

Andrew Michaels
Artwork by Kelsey Sartory

Unintentional Boob Grab

The Unintentional Boob Grab

Every man has been a “victim” of the unintentional boob grab. While there are men who use this incident to purposefully grab a love muffin, others find their hands in the wrong place at the wrong time. Most grabs occur in crowded areas, such as hallways, elevators or concert venues.

Say you are at a concert and land a decent spot on the floor right near the stage. Suddenly, a mosh fight breaks out. For those of you who don’t know what a mosh fight is, it consists of a large group of people shoving each other every which way for the hell of it.

As the shoving gets worse, you stand your ground with you hands at your chest, trying to avoid the constant bodies flying at you. But let’s face it; one is bound to hit you at some point. And, with your luck, that one is a woman with perky Pointer-Sisters. After “cuppage,” it is possible to redeem yourself.

How to proceed:

  1. Consider acting like you have no idea what happened. Don’t draw attention to yourself with worried looks. Just talk to a friend that is nearby or slowly walk away like you’ve got some place to be.
  2. Fess up. Explain what happened and that you didn’t mean to grab one of her puppies. If she still doesn’t believe you, insert additional details that will finalize the occurrence. You never know! One day, this could be the “how-we-met” story you tell your future children.

Umbrella Malfunction

The Umbrella Malfunction

The only thing worse than a rainy day is when you also have to drag around an umbrella. We all know there are smaller umbrellas that can fit in your purse or desk, but how efficient are they when the wind turns them inside out? So, after choosing an effective umbrella, you’ve managed to stay dry. On the other hand, you’re now equipped with a potential weapon.

Imagine you are in line at a local coffee shop. Since it’s raining, the soaked non-umbrella users are cramming into the store in need of a warm beverage. Meanwhile, you are squished in between a wet businessman and a mother and child. As you try to adjust your position, you accidently press the release button and your effective yet large umbrella discharges, smacking the child in his face. Now, you’ve gotten everyone’s attention.

How can you get out alive without feeling the wrath of a momma bear?

  1. Try to woo her. Buy the kid a cake pop or biscotti. Chances are he’ll ditch the tears for a sweet treat. Then, buy a drink for the lady. She’s probably heard the kid whine all day, so this really isn’t any different. Adult interaction is what she needs.
  2. Immediately let go of the umbrella and give it a subtle toss forward. After, look as shocked as everyone else in line and begin accusing the businessman for this incident. Through in a line or two about the “poor child” and just kept yelling. The businessman will give in to your words and confess.

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Ep 15 – Broom Ha Ha

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Episode 15 of The Last Hurrah is now online! You can click the picture above to listen!

The weekend came to a close with a real murder, as Kevin attempts to hunt down the murderer from the crowd, Andrew, Lisa, Caitlyn and Emily discuss death, serial killers, horror movies and more. It’s a twisted fun episode you won’t want to miss*.

*Unless a trigger warning for death/murder/grusome acts falls under your umbrella, then it’s okay to sit this one out.

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We’ll be back at the Maryland Ensemble Theatre on Sunday Nov. 2nd! Be sure to join us!

 

Announcing The Annual 11

It’s very possible that many of you have begun speculating whether or not The Annual would go on, it had been a while since issue 10. It even seemed as though the month of September had been skipped in it’s entirety. However, The Annual is back baby!

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Coming October 21st, our Oct/Nov spectacular hits virtual store shelves and will then be mailed straight to your physical door! This issue features fall fashion tips, halloween costume ideas, an interview with Emily Heller, tributes to Joan Rivers and Robin Williams and so much more. It’s a bimonthly comedic extravaganza that you won’t want to miss! Click here to preorder your copy!

This issue features material from:

Parker Benbow, Isabel Duarte, Amber George, Hannah Gutman, Briana Haynie, David Luna, Andrew Michaels, Buddy Purucker, and Steve Younkins!

Editor-In-Chief:

Kevin Cole

Editor-At-Large:

Emily Perper

Ep. 13 – Ghost BOOloons

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Episode 13 of The Last Hurrah is now online! You can click the picture above to listen!

This weekend kicked off octoberfest on The Last Hurrah, with everyone feeling a little spooky. Kevin was joined by Laura Stark, Zoe Richter, Lia Seltzer and Rich Cole to share some real life ghost stories. Zoe ressurected the “Talk Dirty to Me” segment. Special stand up performances from Nicky Costanzo (Matt Kline) and Isabel Duarte. Plus a very special interview with a ghost!

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Please support the show by subscribing and reviewing the show on itunes and join us Sundays at 7pm at the Maryland Ensemble Theatre.

 

12 – Celebrating Jim Henson (Feat. Brian Jay Jones)

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Episode 12 of The Last Hurrah is now online! You can click the picture above to listen!

This weekend came to a close celebrating Jim Henson, with special guest Brian Jay Jones. Mr. Jones is the president of the Biographers International Organization; most recently, he wrote the New York Times bestseller “Jim Henson: The Biography”. Joined by host and Muppet fanatic Kevin Cole, as well as panelists Hannah Gutman and Andrew Michaels, the four sat down to discuss the life of Jim Henson.

[NOTE: This episode is listed as explicit on iTunes by default, Brian tells one story where the f-bomb is used, outside of that the episode is primarily clean]

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Please support the show by subscribing and reviewing the show on itunes and join us Sundays at 7pm at the Maryland Ensemble Theatre.