Tag Archives: Australia

4 Stories That Prove Cheese Balls Are The Bad Boys of the Snack World

If the company you keep says something about the kind of person you are, then so too do the snacks you consume. Be it the cheese-flavored puffed-corn variety eaten directly from a jug or the more sophisticated, toothpick skewered party appetizer, the cheese ball has earned a reputation as the bad boy of the snack world. Here are 4 news stories that prove wherever cheese balls go, trouble follows:

1. Black Bear lured by cheese balls becomes jug-headed, is rescued by lasso-wielding B&B owner.

Anything consumed directly out of plastic jug is likely to stir up some kind of mischief (if only in our bowels) and is probably best avoided. You don’t have to tell that to the aptly named “Jug Head Bear,” a young black bear in Colorado who managed to get his head stuck in a discarded cheese ball jug.

A local bed and breakfast owner spotted the unlucky animal and decided to intervene – with his lasso, of course. After man and bear engaged in “a couple of good rolls in the grass,” the proper authorities arrived on the scene and Jug Head Bear was tranquilized and relieved of the jug. And you can bet that’s the last time he goes sniffing around after cheese balls.

2. Man throws cheese balls at woman’s car; woman retaliates by plowing over, killing man.

Nobody likes to have cheese balls thrown at their car, it’s just plain rude. However, killing the perpetrator in retaliation is a bit of an overreaction – even in Australia. An Australian court convicted a Sydney woman of murder and sentenced her to 18 years in prison for running over and killing a man for throwing cheese balls at her car. She was drunk and high at the time of the murder, so that may have influenced her overreaction, but then again, cheese balls are pretty infuriating.

3. Drive Defensively. You never know when a nut-covered cheese ball is going to fly through your windshield.

According to the Eagan Minnesota Police Blotter, on December 27, 2013, at 7:23 pm, someone “threw a “nut covered cheese ball” out of the window of a moving vehicle. The cheese ball hit the windshield of another vehicle and shattered it.

Clearly, something happened here, but what exactly? What series of events could have possibly led to a “nut-covered cheese ball” being thrown out the window of the moving vehicle? Did the cheese ball provoke some kind of heated exchange between the vehicle’s occupants? Was it a joke or were they simply disposing of an unwanted nut covered cheese ball? Alas, the world may never know, but we can be sure that whatever it was, it was nutty.

4. Cheese ball caper exposed when stolen goods fall out of thief’s shorts.

A Kingston, Ontario man attempted to steal a $7 cheese ball (That must be some fancy ball of cheese.) from a grocery store by stuffing it oh-so-casually down his shorts then making a break for the door. The poorly secured cheese ball tumbled out of the man’s shorts – right in front of security – and his plot was foiled. How embarrassing. The thief was apprehended and sentenced to 60 days in jail. That’s a long time to go without cheese balls.


So, the next time you reach for some cheese balls, remember these stories and choose the honey mustard pretzels instead. Honey mustard pretzels wouldn’t be caught dead on the Eagan Minnesota Police Blotter.

Patricia Grant

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Sorry Blake Lively, But That Is NOT An Oakland Booty

Blake Lively and her primo-tuccus recently came under fire when she posted the following photo to instagram:

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While the power of Lively’s booty is undeniable, it is far from an “Oakland Booty.” In all my time as a cartographer, I have never seen such a gross miscalculation. Even if you were to take into account the obvious butthole that the town Piedmont provides, there is absolutely no resemblance.

In my time studying the southern territories, I have found a location that is undoubtably Blake Lively’s posterior doppelgänger… Australia.

Austraian Booty

With a slight rotation less than 10 degrees to the left, Australia aligns perfectly with Lively’s hips. The territory provides the perfect lift and compliments the small of her back. Truly, Lively’s butt is an international incident, so before she blindly compares it to city with no resemblance she better walk those Sweden-like thighs to a map store.

Kevin Cole

Look who’s reading The Annual now…

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UN delegates, Camille from France, Victor and Greg from Australia, Phil and Nick from England, and Kathleen from Canada enjoy The Annual on the floor of the United Nations World Intellectual Property Organization building in Geneva, Switzerland. It’s reported than an unnamed member of the group started reading it at one especially boring part of the day’s meetings and caught himself almost laughing out loud so he had to put it down.

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