Tag Archives: Back in my day

Back In My Day – President Frankenstein

For the majority of my life I have been under the impression that we were to hold our presidential candidates to a higher standard than the average joe out on the street. However, the latest announcement from Mr. Dr. Benjamin Carson has made it clear to me that times have changed. The GOP has clearly shown a lack of judgment by allowing anyone to toss their hat into the ring. Dr. Carson fancies himself to be a neurosurgeon, a brain scientist for those millennials who are following politics but fail to recognize how one medical procedure can effectively shift the course of human events. Given this man’s comprehensive knowledge of the human brain, we must ask, what is he capable of?

Let’s start in 1987, when Carson separated a pair of conjoined twins, fused at the back of the head. Those twins were happily when along came this so called “doctor” with a thirst for success, eager to play god. A living symbol of unity, created as god intended. Dr. Carson, however, saw them as freaks, set out separate the two and did so successfully. Driven by his own ego, Carson gave the world a glimpse of his freakish medicinal power.

Ben Carson also helped to create and regularly performed the hemispherectomy, a surgery that involves the removal of an entire hemisphere of the brain. This is supposedly used to control severe cases of epilepsy but I am not fooled. This man’s overall knowledge of both the body and brain presents a dangerous reality. As we all know, thanks to Obama, our healthcare is in the hands of the government and under a Carson administration he would be given free reign to perform his sick experiments, excuse me, “procedures” on anyone he wishes. The nation will be his operating table. What happens when the elderly are given mandatory ice pick lobotomies in an effort to preserve their youth? What should happen if Carson’s loved ones parish? Will he simply harvest new body parts from the lower class, use it to house the brain of his nephew and then hoist it high above the white house on a stormy night in order to breathe new life into them?

If Dr. Ben Carson is at all interested in preserving this country, he needs to take a stand and answer these questions. Carson must step forward and make it clear that he will maintain the national tradition of putting politics before science, no matter the cause. We do not need a Dr. President Carson (or a President Dr. Carson, whatever the preferred term may be) telling us how to properly live our lives. If he wants to recommend “life saving procedures” that will scramble our brains and cause us all to think the same way, then he ought to do so as the Surgeon General, where such recommendations can be ignored. Otherwise, he will want to scrub the title “Doctor” from his name if he hopes to have any chance of victory.


GilesGiles Fisher (Guest Contributor)

Giles is a prominent member of the Falls Church Assisted Living community. He is well read, with over 38 books currently in his room and over one hundred in storage. Giles recently underwent pancreatic surgery for what his children tell him “is his own good.”

Back in my Day – Respecting Our Heroes

On Monday I received the latest copy of Variety and I was shocked to find that Clint Eastwood’s instant classic, American Sniper, had been bumped down to number two in the national box office. I simply could not believe what I was reading. I called one an attendant into the room–I believe it was Jane, the cute one. She thoughtfully read each film and its corresponding box office total to me in such as sweet voice that I almost calmed down, but to this very minute I remain livid.

American Sniper isn’t just a film about one of our greatest heroes; it’s a film about our country. America has always been a resilient nation, where one man’s kill count seems more than sufficient in light of the total casualties in a small-scale war. But Kyle couldn’t quit. He went back, time and time again, just as we have returned to the Middle East time and time again, with one mission: to spread democracy.

Today’s youth have no respect for these harrowing accomplishments. They would rather keep their heads in their phones while they tweet at the President, saying, “This is not their war.” And now they have committed the most egregious affront to American Decency. On the weekend of February 6, a horde of millennials chose to ignore the foundations of this great nation and attended The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, choosing mindless animated drivel over our own national accomplishments. It’s simply un-American for a squealing cartoon sponge to out-gross our nation’s most important mascot. The free market was not built for this.

Thus, I am calling on all red-blooded Americans to boycott The Spongebob SquarePants Movie, so that American Sniper rejoins the rest of America in saying, “We’re number one!” No one asked for an animated beach romp. To attempt one without Elvis Presley is sacrilege, anyhow. Millennials should spend their time learning from those who came before, not “rollin’ doobies” and yuckin’ it up at talking sea creatures. It’s a disgrace. Back in my day, we learned about wars by fighting in them and those who weren’t fortunate enough to fight would go to the movies to view newsreels of the war out of respect. I suggest movie viewers shape up and do the same.

In closing, I’d like to give a shout-out to Herman Wilkes. Herman, if I see your grandson in our cafeteria again saying things, like “American Sniper is a propaganda film,” or “Chris Kyle wasn’t tormented by his actions and even wrote that he wished he had killed more,” I’ll tell the building administration that you’ve been smoking pot help your arthritis.


Giles-Giles Fisher (Guest Contributor)

Giles is a prominent member of the Falls Church Assisted Living community. He is well read, with over 30 books currently in his room and over one hundred in storage. Giles enjoys playing backgammon on Wednesday afternoons with his pal Franklin.

Back In My Day – The Ebola Crisis

You kids are living in a golden age of medical technology. MRI machines, remote controlled robo-doctors, take-home pregnancy tests–the list goes on. Life expectancy is so high, I have yet to succumb to tubes shoved up my nose to tell me how to breathe, and I’m 86. Every disease is a fleeting cultural phenomenon that has the youth of this country hootin’ and hollerin’ as they dump water on their heads or run from one place to another.

But back in my day we knew how to take a disease head on. We didn’t partake in gimmicky viral videos; we targeted the viral infection, and we eliminated it.

In fact, there are many disease you’ve probably never heard of, thanks to my generation. Polio, for instance, is a thing of the past. I’m sure many of you don’t know what polio is, so I’ll be brief for those of you who will find this “too long” or “don’t read.” TL;DR polio was a horrible nightmare disease that left its victims sick to the point of paralysis.

When polio ravaged the countryside we had a real president running this once glorious nation. That president was Franklin Delano Roosevelt, a man who took note of the coming polio epidemic and set out to battle it personally. This was a man who understood you couldn’t wait around for a disease to reach its potential 100,000 weekly diagnoses. He learned firsthand how the disease affected the human body, all in the name of science. And it’s thanks to his bravery that polio is a thing of the past.

President Roosevelt wasn’t the only one to take on disease. Taft foresaw the current obesity epidemic and wedged himself into a bathtub as a warning to the nation about the dangers of obesity. Even a president in office as recent as Ronald Reagan was brave enough to come out using a hearing aid, a move to eliminate the stigma associated with common geriatric devices, it was the greatest thing he could do for national health during his presidency.

So perhaps this young hotshot in the White House ought to take a lesson from his elders. All I know is back in my day, Ebola wouldn’t have been a problem.


Giles-Giles Fisher (Guest Contributor)

Giles is a prominent member of the Falls Church Assisted Living community. He is well read, with over 30 books currently in his room and over one hundred in storage. Giles enjoys playing backgammon on wednesday afternoons with his pal Franklin.