Today is March 14th, a day of no particular importance outside of the fact that is shares the first three digits of Pi. It’s fun, it’s cute and most importantly, it’s a major boon to the pie industry. Open your window and listen as the local baker shouts “Pie for Pi Day!” Watch the gaggles of hungry townsfolk consume one dessert pastry for three meals today.
Challenge yourself to rise above this temptation.
You are not a slave to Apple Pie Industrial Complex. You’re more American than apple pie, because you are a free-thinking individual (who seeks guidance from a stranger on the internet, BUT A FREE-THINKING INDIVIDUAL NONETHELESS)!
Leave your apartment. Hop in that three-hour pie line. After enduring a wait longer than Disney World and Universal Studios combined, find yourself at the front, mid-transaction with the baker.
When the baker inquires about your preferred slice of pie, spit in their face. Order a whole cake. Throw your hands in the air because no one can hold you down! Take that cake to the ice cream shop and demand they exchange it for an ice-cream cake–you are not bound by science or logic. If you throw away that ice cream cake and buy a bottle of vodka instead, that’s cool, too. Pi may be exact, but you are ever-changing.