Tag Archives: Balloons

TERROR ALERT! Who’s Flying These Hot Air Balloons?

As the skies clear out and summer begins, hundreds of thousands of hot air balloons will take to the skies, but how do we know they can be trusted? Often these colorful contraptions go airborn, piloted by men and women who have not undergone background checks and the passengers? forget it. There are no air balloon marshals, no air balloon security checks, no system to prevent balloon highjackings, no way to know if the ballooners are already highjackers. Ballooning is a lawless occupation.

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This balloon has been floating above a New Jersey suburb for the past two days. At heights of nearly 2000 feet, it’s impossible for those on the ground to see who’s piloting the hot air balloon, let alone whether or not the pilot has a bomb strapped to their chest. Given the speed at which it has been traveling, it will be another three days before we know whether this balloon is headed for New York City. If it manages to travel that far without being shot down by the air force it could cause mass casualties, gently colliding with a sky scraper, slowly descending and smothering the civilians on the street below.

Just how many balloonists are under ISIS control? At this very moment, balloons have been sighted in the national mall and on the outskirts of many national parks. Their colorful exteriors providing a pleasant distraction from the potential terror cell in the basket below. We can no longer look upon these balloons with joy, as Americans we must begin to question their origins. God forbid the Islamic State graduate to using our blimps or even worse… building their own zeppelins.

Kevin Cole

A look back at 2013 via the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade!

Kevin Cole

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Remember the fateful night when Miley Cyrus became a cultural phenomenon by getting her rocks off onstage with a foam finger? Well, we can’t forget and the whole thing has been memorialized in this balloon, brought to you by Snickers. Snickers Satisfy!

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Floating in on a cloud of Sarin Gas, we look back at the war with Syria that never was by coming together to carve the turkey as Selena Gomez performs her newest hit song, Shake that Assad!

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Flying high above the city, it’s Sandra Bullock from the hit film Gravity! Gravity smashed box office records this October, relive the horrors of space exploration with Gravity on Blu-Ray this holiday season!

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From atop a float shaped like the National Cathedral, former Pope Benedict and Pope Francis come together for one last performance: We are the World in Latin.

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Making its way down Broadway, it’s a tribute to New York’s finest. It’s Michael, Trevor and Franklin! Beat up hookers, steal cars, and commit unmotivated acts of murder this Thanksgiving with Grand Theft Auto V from Rockstar Games!

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This roaming Hot Pocket is sponsored by the National Security Agency in celebration of Edward Snowden’s first Thanksgiving abroad. Enjoy every traitor’s favorite Turkey and Cheese Hot Pockets, on store shelves now!

A look at The Macy’s Parade was originally published in The Annual #6, purchase your copy today!