Yesterday an internet giant fell as we collectively gave GAWKER a fond farewell. Of course, this really depends on where you stood in relation to GAWKER: if they outed you or published your sex tape, maybe it wasn’t such a fond farewell. For the rest of us, we stood in silent respect as the site went out with a literal bang.
Here at The Annual we promise to deliver our own demise in the same manner as GAWKER, to uncover a sex scandal so big that it shuts down our own site. Seriously, we are dedicated to bringing laughs, biting satire and interviews with up and coming comedic forces to our readers. High-profile sex is the furthest thing from our radar, when celebrity Ps land in celebrity Vs (or other Ps) it’s our policy to stay out of their business. But what should happen if that scandal makes its way over to our radar? That’s when we unleash the play by plays, the safe for work editions, the street corner bootlegs, the virtual reality recreations. We will light that flare in one final attempt to make a name for ourselves and we will go out with it.
It’s the internet-publishers oath that all things shan’t be unseen and while some of our material may be an exception to this rule, the sex scandal that shutters our shop will not. We have no intention of closing down the site anytime soon, but trust that when we do it will be because millions cannot unsee Brad Pitt’s triple butthole or Judd Apatow in a compromising position with Paul Rudd in a bear suit (à la The Shining).
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20 Years after the release of the David Fincher’s Se7en, I can’t help but ask one question: What was in that box?
This might be a bit of a spoiler, but do you remember the box from the last scene of Se7en? What was in that box? Brad Pitt asked that question so many times that I have to know. Whatever it was, it must have been bad, because right after seeing it Brad Pitt killed Kevin Spacey. You’d think this pivotal moment in the film was something David Fincher would show us. Instead, he decided to play it coy, probably a rookie mistake, this was only his second feature. Still, to omit something as simple as a close up shot of the open box has almost ruined this Oscar worthy film.
To this day I still lose sleep wondering what was in the box that made Brad Pitt so mad. At first I believed that it was milk that had been left outside well past its sell-by date, which is gross, but I don’t think it would warrant killing someone. Perhaps it was a crime of passion, photographs of Kevin Spacey with Brad Pitt’s wife? No, she loved Brad too much to do something like that. Honestly, I think it could be any of the following: A copy of the Billboard charts with Nickelback in the number one slot, a snake in a can, a slip of paper foretelling Donald Trump’s successful presidential run, a VHS of Alien 3.
The truth is, only David Fincher knows what was inside that box, but he won’t reply to my letters. All we can do is speculate for the next twenty years but the truth is we may never know what was in that box.