Tag Archives: Break up

A Breakup Letter to The Summer Heat

from: Me
to: The Blistering Summer Heat

I don’t know how we got to this place. I remember spending cold winter nights daydreaming about what it would be like when we were together again.  I couldn’t wait to live surrounded by your sunny embrace. You were all I could think about. And when you finally came around, you were the best thing in my life. You brought me so much love and joy and even on the select few occasions where you were a bit too much too soon, I embraced it. It had been almost a year since I had felt that warm feeling and so I perspired willingly. At some point, I fell in love with it.

But your comfortable breeze quickly turned stale, thick and stuffy. You’ve changed. And I’ve changed. Literally. I cannot wear fewer than 3 shirts a day because I sweat through all of them. I take off my socks every day and wring them out like sponges, shedding a little of our love with every drop of foot sweat. It really just feels like you’re doing this on purpose to control me. I used to be able to wear whatever I wanted, but now I have to dress myself according to how hot you’re going to make the world. I want to decide what clothes to put on my body based on my style or mood, not based on how unbearable you are going to be on any given day.

And it’s not just what I wear – it’s everything I do. I can’t even make plans without first consulting you. I can’t just spend the day on a hike with friends or taking a stroll in the park, not with you there, blowing hot air down our necks. You make it impossible for us to just enjoy ourselves. You’re suffocating me.

I think I need to find someone more temperate. Perhaps a manufactured jet of cool central air, or maybe an entirely new season. I hear pumpkin spice is great this time of year– maybe I will find myself a mild autumn breeze to love. I don’t know who I’m meant to be with, but I do know it’s not you.

I do still care about you and I want us to be friends. I just don’t know how to do that at this point. That’s the hardest part of all of this. In fact, as I type this, I cannot tell if I am sweating or crying. Perhaps it’s both. But that’s exactly the problem; I am just not happy with you. And I don’t think I ever will be.

I hope we can still be friends.

All the best,
Christine

Mourning The Mighty Hiddleswift

For three months the mighty Hiddleswift reigned supreme, and with it, it brought a white hot passion that would leave lasting effects on the environment. While many of us mortals believed the sun was violently inflicting 100 degree days upon us, the cause of the 2016 heatwave stemmed from the love given off by the Hiddleswift. Many remember the fateful day when the creature was first spotted on a secluded beach in Maine, only to disappear for the months to follow.

According to the ancient scrolls passed from Justin to Kelly, it is likely that the Hiddleswift built a lovenest for itself deep in the Pocono Mountains. There, it basked in its own existence, radiating an incredible warmth that is said to have accelerated the melting of the Poles. All summer, meteorologists unfamiliar with the legend of the Hiddleswift complained of a great heat, but it was merely the cold in their own hearts in comparison to the unstoppable love felt by the Hiddleswift.

All of this changed yesterday, when, without explanation or warning, the mighty Hiddleswift fell. Some believe it was done in by its own hubris, a love that burned so bright that after a short period it simply went cold. Cynics will be quick to tell you the Hiddleswift went into hiding because it was never really the pure creature we made it out to be–perhaps nothing more than a ploy for a secret music video. One thing is for certain: Right now, soothsayers are predicting a vortex of cold that will cover the land, more so than ever before. For as the Hiddleswift ended its love, it took the world’s warmth with it. It is believed that in the coming months the temperature surrounding that infamous Maine beach will steadily drop. Soon the hillsides will be covered in snow and ice, and we will have no choice but look up to the sky and curse the fallen Hiddleswift for abandoning us.

Kevin Cole

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