Tag Archives: California

My Top Five Favorite Summer Homes

Originally run within the illustrious pages of Leisure Magazine.

As I am sure you are aware, it is difficult to enjoy the fleeting summer months when you have so many homes in which to spend them. Difficult as it may be, I have selected my personal favorites so that you may venture to purchase nearby real estate and take full advantage of the ample paid time off you have accumulated within your own fortune 500 company.

Nantucket, MA

Nantucket! I love the town, almost as much as I love saying “Nantucket!” Said with just the right inflection people will hear of your visit and know that you are a man of great importance. I can think of no better way to spend an evening than sitting on my porch in Nantucket, sipping Brandy as Sebastián prepares a three course meal and Brandine prepares for bed.

Big Sur, CA

Home to my secret family, I am sure to visit Big Sur once every summer. At my luxurious water-front home I am greeted with big smiles, among other things, by the fair and lovely Jessica. For eleven months her personal trainer keeps he fit and for a hot 28 days she’s all mine. Townsfolk know not to glance under the boardwalk when I’m in town!

Aspen, CO

In all honesty, I abhor Aspen during the summer, it is best for winter visits. To sit by the fire and observe the skiers is a true delight. I list it here as my second wife is a prominent real estate developer there, and as a part of our divorce settlement I am required to encourage visitors to the city whenever I find myself in a place to do so. So there.

Newport, RI

Many adventurous men have written about life at sea. Such ventures are often rugged and require the a crew of middle class mid-shipmen whom I would rather not associate with during my vacation time. Fortunately, I have a 85 ft Yacht that is docked in the Newport Harbor year round! From there I may enjoy the thrill of living at sea with all the comforts of a fully stocked kitchen, laundry facilities, and premium cable. I often throw together a nice soiree to show my appreciation for the Dock Girls who keep my yacht clean year round.

Martha’s Vineyard

There is no better place for the country’s top earners than Martha’s Vineyard. You’ve read about it in celebrity auto-biographies, seen it featured in reality programs about the rich and famous and I am here to confirm that is as magical a destination as you would like to believe. I can’t imagine a better place to sip a red wine and read a book, enjoy some Chardonnay while taking a stroll, or guzzle Dom Perignon as I write my novel.

William T. Scott VI

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AP Declares Clinton Victory in California

WASHINGTON (AP) – Hillary Clinton secured a historic, landslide win in the California primary today. As of 9:35am EST (6:35 am PST) an Associated Press count declared her to be the winner in the state, contrary to polls placing her neck and neck with rival Bernie Sanders.

With 0% of precincts reporting and 14 hours before they close, Clinton has secured the majority of votes within the state. In finding these results, the AP’s top counters intercepted thousands of early voter and absentee ballots, nearly all of which were in support of Hillary.

“It’s almost embarrassing, Bernie Sanders had maybe 4 votes total” remarked one counter. While our counters are unable to confirm the identity of these Sanders supporters, it is believed that they are Dick Van Dyke, Susan Sarandon, Danny DeVito and James Adomian.

With this landslide win under her belt, the Associated Press is proud to be the first media outlet to declare Hillary Clinton the be the presumptive winner of the 2016 election and our nation’s next president. We look forward to receiving our Pulitzer.