Tag Archives: Catholics

Good Christian? How Many Of These Things Are You Giving Up For Lent?

Lent is upon us and for the next six weeks Christians will be giving up anything from chocolate to watching TV. We’ve compiled 52 essential things to quit for lent, see how many you’re giving up and tell your friends how good a Christian you are!

1-3: Fallen Angel; 4-10: Decent Christian; 11-20: Good Christian; 21-30: Altar boy; 31-40: Disciple; 41-51: John The Baptist
52: Pope Francis

  • Flossing
  • Faith in Christ
  • Lean Pockets
  • The type of art where you make paintings out of your vomit
  • Sharing things on Facebook before doing 5 seconds of research to see if it’s made up
  • Telling everyone that the fish jumped out of the water and somehow got its mouth stuck on your penis by itself
  • Roller-blades (but not skates)
  • Making every bun a pretzel bun
  • Using the words “correctomundo” and “fo-sho” — See also: “epic”
  • Alcohol over 18% (ok, maybe 31%)
  • Indulgent chuckling
  • Ironic appropriation of AAVE
  • Having sex with your friends’ boyfriends (I heard Jesus would really appreciate it)
  • Pro-life bumper stickers
  • Complain-a-bragging
  • Eye contact
  • Chocolate flavored prophylactics
  • Asking to speak with your manager immediately
  • Taking all your self-loathing and personal frustrations out on the Kardashian/West family
  • Thinking about the country of Africa to make you feel better about your problems
  • Answering incriminating questions
  • Self-respect
  • The physical limitations of gravity
  • Using coupons
  • Your virginity
  • ALL television (but, like, TV-television. Not computer television. that’s different.)
  • Buzzfeed
  • Über and everything they stand for
  • Instagramming my breakfast
  • The Annual
  • “Wonderwall” by Oasis
  • Plotting revenge
  • Making ‘Fetch’ happen
  • Catching up on Game of Thrones before the next season
  • Having earbuds in for the sole purpose of not talking to your co-workers
  • Dipping triscuits in straight-up frosting
  • Wiping
  • Cleaning the litter boxes
  • Pooping in the litter boxes
  • CRAZY TALK
  • Football
  • Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Ugg boots
  • My Sherpa
  • My Sharona
  • My Giant
  • The Mayan Calendar
  • Mylanta
  • Lionel Ritchie’s Greatest Hits
  • Tickling bystanders
  • Walking up to unsuspected people whispering “I like the way your breath smells in the morning.”
  • Taking selfies of selfies
  • Drinking Jack and milk

Lisa Burl, Kevin ColeIsabel Duarte, Hannah Gutman, Lydia Hadfield,
David Luna, James McGarvey, Christine McQuaid, T.M. Scholtes

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Great Deals on The Pope’s Visit from Craigslist

In light of Pope Francis’ upcoming US Tour, many have been scalping tickets on to events on Craigslist. We at The Annual have taken the time to find the best postings to help you save time and money.

Pope Francis Tickets And A Free Pass To Heaven – $125,000

My priest recently gave my family three tickets to see Pope Francis and told me that if I met His Holiness I would gain admittance into heaven. This was said in confidence during my last confession. Truth be told, I’ve been on a real Billy Joel kick and I feel confident saying I’d like to live a long life and burn in hell for it. So I’m selling these tickets and Father Ted’s word that you’ll get into heaven upon spending time in the presence of His Holiness.

Pope Francis to Perform D.C.

One ticket, front pew: $275. Potential for meet-and-greet. For you or the diehard Catholic in your life. SmarTrip card with $5 thrown in.

Cheap POPE TICKETS

Had plans to see Pope with my son to get the demons out, but he was successfully exorcised by Presbyterians so we’re cancelling and going to Universal Studios. Got two tix, 40 bucks each.

Pope Fan Club Meeting

The DC Chapter of the Group of the Piously Devoted (GPD) will be meeting prior to Pope Francis’ visit to the city. All interested members must present $100 for a penance and 40 “Hail Marys” at the door. Only the righteous may join us for fan-girling session along His Holiness’ Pope Mobile route.

Reasonable Priced Pope Tickets for Sinners and Losers

Protesting Pope not worth all the gay wedding abominations going on that day. Need $$ back to support our godly hatred if everyone. $35 each, must buy all 40. -WBC

Kiss the pope – $2500

When Amal and I got married in Venice, the ceremony was officiated by Pope Francis. This is why we chose not to let the press in on our big day. At one point during the ceremony His Holiness leaned over to me and whispered ever so softly “If I could kiss a man, it would be you George Clooney.” He then sent me a ticket to his upcoming United States tour, and while the thought of kissing Pope Francis excites me, I couldn’t be the one to do it. Proceeds from this Craigslist posting will go towards UNICEF

FREE POPE TICKETS

Had a premonition that something very bad is going to happen in Philadelphia that day and I don’t want to be there. Tickets are free.

Tickets to Pope Francis Show

Girlfriend wanted to see the Dalai Lama, got these instead by accident. If you like Pope hmu. Show includes special guest appearance – could it be Jesus?? $20 each. Take it or leave it.

Want 2 make a buck

Sell bottled water with me for $7 in Brookland metro station
80/20 split

Wear comfortable clothes
No assholes

Pope Gig in DC Livestream

Don’t want to make the trip all the way down to DC for the Pope, but still want to be blessed? Livestream from my phone with added commentary. $40 for the link.

Make Out with Me in a Pope Hat – $25 or Best offer

I am a DDF SWF and am looking to get my modest freak on while wearing a pope hat. For an extra $50 I will dress my car up to look like the popemobile and we can make out there.

Kevin Cole, Taylor GoebelDavid LunaRobert MartinEmily Perper

Robert Martin would like to recommend
you consider investing in unlicensed Pope merchandise.