Tag Archives: Craigslist

Great Deals on The Pope’s Visit from Craigslist

In light of Pope Francis’ upcoming US Tour, many have been scalping tickets on to events on Craigslist. We at The Annual have taken the time to find the best postings to help you save time and money.

Pope Francis Tickets And A Free Pass To Heaven – $125,000

My priest recently gave my family three tickets to see Pope Francis and told me that if I met His Holiness I would gain admittance into heaven. This was said in confidence during my last confession. Truth be told, I’ve been on a real Billy Joel kick and I feel confident saying I’d like to live a long life and burn in hell for it. So I’m selling these tickets and Father Ted’s word that you’ll get into heaven upon spending time in the presence of His Holiness.

Pope Francis to Perform D.C.

One ticket, front pew: $275. Potential for meet-and-greet. For you or the diehard Catholic in your life. SmarTrip card with $5 thrown in.

Cheap POPE TICKETS

Had plans to see Pope with my son to get the demons out, but he was successfully exorcised by Presbyterians so we’re cancelling and going to Universal Studios. Got two tix, 40 bucks each.

Pope Fan Club Meeting

The DC Chapter of the Group of the Piously Devoted (GPD) will be meeting prior to Pope Francis’ visit to the city. All interested members must present $100 for a penance and 40 “Hail Marys” at the door. Only the righteous may join us for fan-girling session along His Holiness’ Pope Mobile route.

Reasonable Priced Pope Tickets for Sinners and Losers

Protesting Pope not worth all the gay wedding abominations going on that day. Need $$ back to support our godly hatred if everyone. $35 each, must buy all 40. -WBC

Kiss the pope – $2500

When Amal and I got married in Venice, the ceremony was officiated by Pope Francis. This is why we chose not to let the press in on our big day. At one point during the ceremony His Holiness leaned over to me and whispered ever so softly “If I could kiss a man, it would be you George Clooney.” He then sent me a ticket to his upcoming United States tour, and while the thought of kissing Pope Francis excites me, I couldn’t be the one to do it. Proceeds from this Craigslist posting will go towards UNICEF

FREE POPE TICKETS

Had a premonition that something very bad is going to happen in Philadelphia that day and I don’t want to be there. Tickets are free.

Tickets to Pope Francis Show

Girlfriend wanted to see the Dalai Lama, got these instead by accident. If you like Pope hmu. Show includes special guest appearance – could it be Jesus?? $20 each. Take it or leave it.

Want 2 make a buck

Sell bottled water with me for $7 in Brookland metro station
80/20 split

Wear comfortable clothes
No assholes

Pope Gig in DC Livestream

Don’t want to make the trip all the way down to DC for the Pope, but still want to be blessed? Livestream from my phone with added commentary. $40 for the link.

Make Out with Me in a Pope Hat – $25 or Best offer

I am a DDF SWF and am looking to get my modest freak on while wearing a pope hat. For an extra $50 I will dress my car up to look like the popemobile and we can make out there.

Kevin Cole, Taylor GoebelDavid LunaRobert MartinEmily Perper

Robert Martin would like to recommend
you consider investing in unlicensed Pope merchandise.

TLH 30 – Missed Connections

Screen Shot 2015-02-23 at 8.42.23 PM
This weekend’s Last Hurrah is now available online, download it and subscribe to the show via iTunes.
Valentine’s Day has been dead and burried for a week and so The Last Hurrah was ready to make it’s triumphant return the Maryland Ensemble Theatre. This week Kevin Cole was joined by Isabel Duarte and Christine McQuaid, the three connected over going off the rails post break up and discovered a world of people looking for love on the internet. If you’ve ever skimmed Craigslist’s Missed Connections, you won’t want to miss this episode.

Panelists:
Isabel Duarte
Christine McQuaid

Episode Writers:
Kevin Cole
Isabel Duarte
Christine McQuaid

Stage Manager:
Emily Perper

Join us for the next show Sunday March 1st at 7pm at the Maryland Ensemble Theatre.

Get more Last Hurrah at LastHurrahLive.com

Craigslist

Hannah Gutman

When Craig Newmark started emailing lists of upcoming local events to his friends in 1995 (because he still had a few years before the Hamster Dance would dominate the chain letter circuit), I doubt he imagined the world he would one day create. A world that brings people together, replacing the newspaper classifieds with simple columns chockfull of hyperlinks that make dreams come true. What other site can bring together lonely hearts, renters of unfurnished apartments and a gal who really needs to get rid of a couch? It’s soft, red and free if you come pick it up. Only a few stains. Serious replies only, please.

Craigslist has something for everyone. Online dating? Sure! Looking for something less serious? You’ll find no judgment here. Can’t seem to find a good deal on a used tuba? If you don’t want your son to resent you for crushing his hopes and dreams, you had better click “musical instruments” under the “for sale” column.

I love Craigslist’s simplicity. No fancy formatting. No logo. Not a capital letter to be found. A site this humble appeals to the people. I like visiting a homepage without thinking, “Oh, so you think you’re better than me with your fancy colors and your RSS feed?”

I have a special place in my heart for Craigslist. When I was sixteen, I found a desk on Craigslist. I had never picked out my own furniture, but I wanted that desk more than anything. Stubborn as I was, am, and always will be, I replied to the seller. Before long I had an address and convinced my mother to drive me the forty-five minutes to a small house covered in ivy and surrounded by flowers. My mom stayed in the car as I slowly approached the front door. I knocked. No response. I knocked again, but there was still no response. Dejected, I turned to leave and found myself face-to-face with an old woman covered in dirt. She smiled, missing several teeth and small-talked me all the way around to the backyard. She took me through the back door and into her living room. A part of me expected her to feed me to her parrot, but instead she offered me cookies and helped me carry the desk to the car.

I know, I know. You’ve heard the stories about predators and criminals trying to scam or lure users into bad, bad situations. Sadly, many of them are true, but I refuse to give up when there is good to be found! I recently packed my bags and Oregon-trailed my way to Las Vegas for the summer. Homeless, jobless and far from home I turned to Craigslist for help. I couldn’t believe how many great options there were for me to explore! Some of the posters specified exactly what they wanted in a roommate, which made it so much easier to narrow down my choices. One seeker wrote:

We are 4 guys, students, professional sports betters, even a street performer you would recognize, 20s, 30s, we have Wi-Fi, linens, not enough privacy for a female and if you are over 40 your self-esteem would not permit this. We’d hope you are educated, personable, honest, sense of humor, like us.

That upfront honesty saved me the embarrassment of admitting that I am a woman and the fear that I wouldn’t meet their standards. Imagine if I were a 42-year-old man without a sense of humor? Yikes.

I also found some Good Samaritans, like this fella:

Are you struggling, having a hard time, living paycheck to paycheck. I am too. Are you homeless or losing your place of residence? Perhaps we can help each other out. Share my 1 bedroom apartment rent-free. This might be only until you’re back on your feet or long term. I cannot help everyone. I have a desire to help a young woman in need of help is all. If you are seeking a sugar daddy please move on. This is only for an honest good gal.

Rent-free? What a deal! Being a relatively honest gal myself, an offer like this was hard to refuse. If only his apartment had been closer to my internship! Just my luck.

Once I’d found a place to live, it was time to find a job.  There were even more postings to peruse! Overwhelmed but excited, I dove right in, ventured first to the “tv/film/video/radio” jobs. Immediately the post titles called to me.

“CASTING BIKERS LOOKING FOR LOVE!”

“Are you in the middle of DRAMA that can be solved by a DNA test?”

“ Need a female who can answer the phone in a pizzeria.”

“ BUSINESSMAN SEEKS HOT DINNER DATE.”

“ Get a COOL job for the HOT summer!”

“Comedian/Actor to Play Rabbi at Live Events.”

“Girls that are new to Vegas & need help making $”

“ WOULD YOU SHAVE YOUR HEAD FOR $1,500 CASH?”

“New girls that have never bartended before to bartend at mansions.”

“Feet.”

There were so many people looking to hire dancers, actors, and models, too! It is so refreshing to find a community that really appreciates the arts. Much to my refrigerator’s disappointment, I am still unemployed. No job means plenty of time on my hands, but a gal can only beat Candy Crush so many times before craving something more. Okay, I still haven’t beaten Candy Crush, but I’ll get there someday, Mom! As I’ve learned from the city-centric sitcoms that raised me, it’s hard getting by without a buddy there for you when the rain starts to fall. I thought I’d be fine, since it never rains in Vegas, but I found myself wanting to go where everybody knows my name. Instead, I made my way back to Craigslist, where nobody knows your name unless you include it in your post. On any other occasion, I would have stayed in a galaxy far, far away from the “personals” category. Desperate for comrades to sharpen up my defunct trivia team, I clicked on the safest of the sketchy selections. As it turned out, “strictly platonic” was harmless. Much like my run-ins with “housing” and “jobs,” these lonely users seemed perfectly genuine in their search for friendship.

“Let’s Have a Fun Monday (Your Place)“

“Nothing Wrong With Being Friends!”

“Why is it hard to find good friends?”

“Tonight 420, Henney and red box movies.”

“Do True Friends Really Exist In Vegas?”

“I can help with your pain.”

“Do any Republican girls want to hang out?”

“What is wrong with everybody?”

“Do You Wanna Build A Snowman?”

“Potluck, anyone?”

Places to live, potential employers, a network of friends just waiting to meet you, and you can get it all for a few clicks on a keyboard? Bring me your men, your women, your young, your socially awkward, your fetishes, your unwanted dressers from IKEA and I will send them to one sacred haven.

The power is in your hands. Craigslist can cause problems. Craigslist can solve problems. Take Robert, a self-titled “Ghost Writer” in Palm Springs.

Want a Novel….Short Story….Auto Biography…?…..I’ll write it for you…your way…give me a call….Robert.”

Now there’s a guy who just wants to help people. Plain and simple, he asks for no recognition. He does good work out of the kindness of his heart. He may be a bit slow when it comes to meeting deadlines, but he has stuff going on. I don’t know, important stuff. Don’t worry about it.

You can’t always get what you want, but if you’re willing to sift through the sketch and the shady, you might just get what you need. Just be sure to tread lightly because a pervert may have written the post you’re reading. Or your grandpa. Or Robert. I should remind you that no part of this was written by Robert, but if you need any writing or you’re ever in Palm Springs, give me a call. Give him a call. Trust me, Craigslist is important. Why else would Weird Al write a song about it? So get yourself on there and post a classified of your own, but do not contact me with unsolicited services or offers. Thanks.

Love,

   Robert

Subscribe to The Annual for only $20 a year!

The Last Hurrah 17 – Reclaiming Thanksgiving

Screen Shot 2014-11-07 at 4.01.03 PM

Episode 17 of The Last Hurrah is now online! You can click the picture above to listen!

This weekend came to a close with a Commercially Early Christmas Special that was cut short when Giovanni Kavota and his band pro-thanksgivers (Callan Holderbaum and Scott Travers) payed a visit to the show to reclaim the holiday. The group sat down and hatched a scheme to resurrect Thanksgiving, making it a brand holiday that will no longer be skipped in favor of Christmas. One way to celebrate Thanksgiving, a new holiday sketch show called “Crab Over Turkey” and Gio, Cal, and Isabel Duarte gave us an improvised taste of the show.

10712516_10152903807613885_3628136240674104596_o

Join us next week when Christmas comes early to The Last Hurrah, Sunday Nov 9th, 7pm at The Maryland Ensemble Theatre (31 West Patrick St. Frederick, MD)!

 

The Annual #10 Arrives in One Week!

 

Annual10cover

On July 31st The Annual #10 will (finally) arrive, just in time for it to still be considered a July/August issue. This issue is jam packed with material from your favorite Annual writers and a new interview with Sara Benincasa. This issue contains (but is not limited to) up to the minute Bill Murray tracking, a glimpse at an upcoming Pixar movie*, a look into Craigslist, an in-depth breakdown of mystery Doritos flavors, illustrated Campfire stories and so much more! Side effects may include stubbed toes, broken hearts and a realization of one’s own mortality, so preorder The Annual #10 today!

*Upcomins pixar movie in the satirical sense. Pixar movie detailed is in no way being produced by Pixar. We mention this, because Disney is known to be sticklers for their copyrights.

Ep. 25 – Craigslist Questions

MarryMe itunes art

Episode 25 of Marry Me! is now live! Click the picture above to subscribe on itunes.

You can also stream the episode here.

With Susan unable to attend and only one question in the mailbag, Kevin and Cullen are left to their own devices yet again. The episode starts with a major announcement stemming from this week’s network upfronts and then the two boys travel to the surprisingly territorial corner of the internet (Craigslist) to lend a helping hand.

Check out Save The Arcadian (the band behind our wonderful theme music)

Support The Annual, get a Subscription!

Be sure to send your questions in to marryme.annual@gmail.com

Or fill out the form below: