Tag Archives: Drug use

Spring Break Frenzy Claims Life of North Pole Reindeer

PANAMA CITY BEACH, Fla. –  A recent tragedy struck close to Holiday home Friday night, leaving the entire human race shaken.

Panama City Beach reports that Dasher, the eldest of Santa’s reindeer has died due to a drug overdose. According to recent reports, the other seven have been comatose since hospitalization. “We won’t know the damage of injuries sustained until they wake up. If they wake up.” stated Dr. Joy, head of the medical team at Bay Medical Center.

The group was visiting Panama City Beach from their hometown, the North Pole. “They told me they were planning to stay local for spring break.” explains Durolph*, a coworker shares via phone interview. “… although we have had a stressful few weeks of Q1 inventory. I wonder why they didn’t invite me.”

The preliminary autopsy report on Dasher indicates the presence of “Atnas,” a compound commonly found in emerging street drug Oxyheroin. Also known as “Father Kushmas” and “Snow Blower,” Oxyheroin is a potent mix of marijuana and cocaine that is rapidly gaining popularity among adolescent reindeer aged 16 to 22. Health care professionals are calling it an “epidemic that must be stopped.”

Panama City Beach Police Department have issued a public statement grieving the news and shared their commitment to finding and shutting down all local Oxyheroin outlets. The investigation is open and ongoing.

While Mr. Santa Claus has remained silent on recent events, a spokesperson from the Holiday Elves’ Labor Union issued a statement saying that Mr. Claus and his wife are devastated by the news and are unlikely to accept interviews at this time.

The North Pole has not returned The Annual’s request for comment.

*Name changed per participant request.

Christine McQuaid

The Last Hurrah Returns This Sunday!

This Sunday, The Last Hurrah returns to the Maryland Ensemble Theatre!

There are a lot of things associated with April 20th, primarily drug use. On April 19th, The Last Hurrah will return to the Maryland Ensemble Theatre the delve in the seedy depths of Frederick’s underground (and no, that’s not a play on MET’s location beneath the ground). During a panel discussion that is sure to warrent numerous Pulitzer Prize nominations as well as a write up in High Times magazine, we’ll be interviewing a real drug dealer*.

Join us Sunday April 19th at 7pm for an evening of FREE comedy and thought provoking discussion.

*Due to legal reasons we must disclaim that the “real drug dealer” is actually an actor portraying a drug dealer. No actual drugs will be dealt or consumed.

Episode featuring:
Jack Evans
Caitlyn Joy
James McGarvey

Learn more at LastHurrahLive.com

Greg Proops

Feeling groggy and unprepared, I spoke to this man in the afternoon of November 15, 2013. I was certain that I’d receive interesting answers to my questions, but had no idea that I was in for some of the most thoughtful and potent talks of any interview to date. You might know him from his standup, his frequent appearances on Whose Line is it Anyway, or more recently from his podcast The Smartest Man in the World.
He could only be…Proops

David Luna: What is your earliest memory?

Greg Proops: Probably being in my house with my parents when I was little in Lancaster, California.

DL: Did you have a religious background or upbringing?

GP: Not particularly. I went to Sunday school until I was seven. I liked wearing the suit, because James Bond wore a suit.

DL: Do you have any supernatural or mystical beliefs?

GP: Not particularly. I think there’s such a thing as the supernatural that we don’t understand. I don’t think we can explain everything with rationality and science, in other words.

DL: Can you recall any profoundly funny moments from your childhood, where you sort of just “got it”?

GP: When I was in grade school and I met my friend Forest, we spent a lot of time really yukking it up when we were about 10 years old. We used to just make each other laugh, and I think that then is when I got that it was important to my life.

DL: From what age did you want to make it a career or central to your life?

GP: Well, I’d probably fool myself and say I wanted to do lots of other things, but probably from a teenager on; I’d say 15 or so. I just didn’t dream of it when I was 12 or 13. I was too insecure, I think, but I loved comedy.

DL: Who are your comedic influences?

GP: I have lots of influences. My cousin Donny; Warren Thomas, who was my best friend who passed away; my wife. As far as television and stuff, George Carlin, the Marx Brothers, Richard Pryor, the comics that were on TV when I was little, Rob Klien, Lilly Tomlin.

Continue reading Greg Proops