Tag Archives: Friends

Five Unbelievable Facts That You Simply Won’t Believe

1. Most cars can be powered by corn alone

Perhaps you have noticed a shift towards gasoline that includes a percentage of Ethanol, a chemical compound partially derived from corn. Automotive companies have been under increasing pressure by oil lobbyists to cover up the fact that most modern cars can run efficiently on only a few ears of corn. In order to hide this, gas pipes have been restrained to a circumference that would only allow small pieces of baby corn to pass through.

2. David Schwimmer cannot swim

Contrary to his own namesake, Friends actor David Schwimmer has never been able to swim. A set PA for friends once described the infamous beach episode as the worst day of Schwimmer’s life. “He’s afraid of the water, wouldn’t even let his feet get wet.” the PA remarked, asking to remain anonymous, “The man spent the entire taping under a beach towel in a fetal position.”

3. Every “Bill Murray” twitter account is actually run by Bill Murray

Bill Murray is notoriously hard to get a hold of, he has no agent, no manager and chooses projects via a 1-800 number. Many believe he has avoided social media altogether, but sources working for Twitter confirm that every Bill Murray “parody” account is coming from the same IP Address. Twitter support has reached out to Murray on numerous occasions in an attempt to get these accounts verified but he won’t return their calls.

4. Lava is the coldest substance known to man

For decades scientists have led us to believe that Lava is unbearably hot, this is backed up by the popular belief that red=fire and if Lava were frigid, it would be ethereal blue. Consider this: The hottest flame is blue, so perhaps blue isn’t synonymous with the cold. The simple fact is that people don’t know lava is cold because they are too afraid of catching fire to touch it, and they are right to be afraid as lava is made from a unique chemical compound that will freeze a human being from the inside out.

5. Baseball is no longer the national pastime

No matter how often the phrase is said, it has been years since anyone played Baseball as it was intended when named the “National Pastime.” The original sport of Baseball used one base and, as was common in 1873, only white men could play. Players would use rubber mallets to bat leather balls at the man standing on home plate (the only base) until he was struck hard enough to collapse, players would then race to steal the base, often hitting one another with their mallets to gain domination. Times sure have changed.

Kevin Cole

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How to Be A Good Friend

Step 1: Find Someone To Be Your Friend

This can be anyone you share common interests with or someone you think is interesting and nice.

Step 2: Did You Find a Friend Yet?

Really, anyone will do. Don’t be too picky.

Step 3: How About Now?

Come on, there’s got to be someone you’re acquaintances with that will make a good friend.

Step 4: That Guy Gerry In Spin Class Seems Nice.
Step 5: You’re Going To Have To Speak To People To Find A Friend 

It’s okay to be shy, but you’re going to have to push through it. Enjoying someone else’s company is a big part in being a friend. 

Step 6: Okay Then, How About A Dog?

Dogs make great companions for humans. In fact dogs love humans so much they are referred to as man’s best friend.

Step 7: Find A Rescue Shelter

There are many shelters in and around New York City. Finding a furry friend will be no trouble.

Step 8: Ouch, That Bite Looks Bad.

The blood is oozing out of the bandage! Clean yourself up before we continue your journey of being a good friend.

Step 9: We’ve Found The Perfect Friend For You, An American Girl Doll!

Meet Samantha, she’s never met a person she didn’t want to share her toys with. She loves adventures and listening to her friends when they need someone to talk to, she’ll be a perfect friend for you!

Step 10: Go To Brunch

Now that you have a new friend, it’s time to work on how you can be a GOOD friend. Friends love going to brunch with other friends. Take Samantha to a nice Sunday brunch and get to know her better. Be sure to offer to pay, it’s only polite.

Step 11: YOU BURNED OFF SAMANTHA’S HAIR

We understand Samantha is a doll but the number one rule of friendship is “Do Not Burn Your Friend’s Hair Off” and you broke that rule when you decided to use Samantha as nighttime lamp.

Step 12: Take This Body Pillow

This body pillow is your new friend. Hug it when you feel lonely, kick it when you feel angry, chew it when you are hungry. That is how to be a good friend to a body pillow.

Briana Haynie

A Comedic Sein-uation

Andrew Michaels

Has anyone ever told you that what happens on TV almost never happens in real life? At that moment, you get that frustrating feeling in the pit of your stomach, arguing with yourself over whether or not to stick up for “your” show, or just let the person take the win.

Okay, so it is highly unlikely that Monica could afford that fancy apartment in New York City on her own in the show “Friends.” It is also unlikely that friends like Cory, Shawn, and Eric in “Boy Meets World” are always able to fix their relationships with one another after countless fights and debacles. 

But I am here to tell you that it is possible to get that win. I found this out three years ago. And the show compared to was “Seinfeld.”

One evening, my family and I decided to try this new restaurant in town called Morgan’s. My mother informed us that her good friend—let’s call him “Steve”—was the head chef and would prepare our meal himself. Upon our arrival, he greeted us and guided us to a table for four.

After we ordered our food, I excused myself from the table and went to the restroom. As I entered, I was greeted once again by Steve, who must have entered only a few seconds before me. I proceeded with my business and began to wash my hands.  It was at this exact moment when I noticed him using the urinal.

For any man, the silence between two men in a bathroom is, for lack of a better word, uncomfortable. I have been in this predicament too many times, and one of the two men always believe it is an appropriate time to start a conversation.

“So, how’s the family?” Steve asked.

“Good,” I mumble.

Seriously?  We’re going to talk about my family during this time?  Similar to the TV show scenario earlier, I keep my thoughts to myself.  Before long, Steve left, but there was something was missing; some post-bathroom ritual. He didn’t wash his hands.

I left the bathroom, and I sat back down at our table, feeling utterly disgusted with what I just witnessed. Now, I had to live with the thought of Steve’s unwashed hands touching my food.

Suddenly, I remembered why this situation felt so familiar. The very incident I experienced five minutes ago also occurred in the hit television series “Seinfeld.”

In the episode “The Pie,” Jerry and his girlfriend go to eat at her father’s pizza restaurant. At one point, Jerry goes to the restroom and sees her father not wash his hands after using the facilities. Jerry is left watching her father prepare their meal with his soiled hands.

Wow, I thought. This is kind of freaky. I had never been in a scenario that happened just like it had on a TV show. The comical spin that Seinfeld put on the idea had transferred into my reality. While some may have found this “sein-uation” to be rather disturbing, I found it to be both gross and hilarious.

In the end, I was successful in coercing my parents to leave the restaurant due to an “upset stomach,” and I later told them of my encounter with Head Chef Steve. Now, any time anyone says TV and reality don’t mix, I remind them of the bathroom occurrence. Remember, just because a comedic situation happens on TV doesn’t mean it cannot happen in real life. In fact, more often than not, it is the comedy on TV that comes from comedy in someone’s life. Sometimes, you can get the win.