Tag Archives: Ghostbusters

Please Plan Accordingly For This Week in Crazy Town

The traffic light at First and Hobart will turn green for thirty seconds this Monday at 10:34 a.m. It will then revert to red for the remainder of the decade. Please plan accordingly.

The courtesy coffee bar at the Quickee Oil on Main St. will be restocked at 3 p.m. this Tuesday when Josh the service technician/janitor is scheduled to finally get off his lazy ass. Large crowds expected. Please plan accordingly.

The semi-annual reopening of our community mass grave is scheduled for Wednesday. “Senior Roundup” begins 6 a.m. sharp. All eligible seniors in dead or near-dead condition must be placed curbside by 6 a.m. for pickup and disposal. Please plan accordingly.

Crazy Town will observe a period of “lawlessness” on Thursday from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. in honor of our founding fathers Kill’em All Kennedy and Stabby-Joe Johnson. Murder and mayhem expected, vigilante justice encouraged. Please plan accordingly.

The pickup/drop off helicopter pad at Sunnybrook Elementary will be closed for the Elk’s club annual hip-hop dance party and laser light show on Friday afternoon. Parents of students, please plan accordingly.

The Crazy Town Event Center will host the Erotic Bonsai and Lewd Quilt Expo this Saturday. Commencement ceremony begins at 9 a.m. to be followed by a parade of the exhibits through historic downtown. Surrounding roads will be closed to through traffic until 2 p.m. Please plan accordingly.

The lawn at Podunk Park will be closed this Sunday for the second coming of demigod Zuul, as prophesied by our Lord and Savior Rick Moranis. Tiny Tot soccer practice will be held at the Golden Horizon Assisted Living Facility. Residents of the Golden Horizon Assisted Living Facility will be held in the corral at Old Man Hornaby’s Petting Zoo and Pony Rides. Please plan accordingly.

A friendly reminder: residential streets are subject to repaving at the mayor’s whim. All cars, personal items, pets and persons left on the street during the hours of said whim will be paved over without exception. Please plan accordingly.

Patricia Grant

Support our writers on Patreon

Advertisements

5 Ghosts That Haunt the Cast of the New Ghostbusters

Surrounding the praise for the new Ghostbusters is the excellent cast, but what many don’t realize is how their strength is derived from their own experiences with the paranormal. Much like Dan Aykroyd’s ghost-hunting grandpa, this cast has ecto-plasm in their veins.

Lady Slimer

Lady-Slimer

This goo-covered ghost is no different than the Slimer that came before her, but has caused an uproar across the web due to her feminine features. However, Lady Slimer is a real life ghost that has haunted Kristen Wiig since childhood. The specter is said to be responsible for teaching Wiig about the horrors of womanhood and made a bargain that Wiig would attain fame and fortune if she gave Lady Slimer her first born child. Now, indebted to the ghost, Wiig contracted Lady Slimer to play a small roll in the new film.

Betty FriedanThe Disembodied Ghost Head of Betty Friedan

Credited with starting Second-wave feminism, the visage of Betty Friedan spent the films production haunting Melissa McCarthy, often times possessing her body and using it as tool for dismantling the patriarchy. Remember when McCarthy rolled down Sunset Blvd sticking her head out a limousine and giving everyone the finger while shouting “ALL WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL! STANDARDS INVENTED BY THE PATRIARCHY HURT EVERYONE” ? That was all Betty Friedan.

Idris ElbaThe Hunky Cunnilingus Ghost of Idris Elba

Idris was a big fan of the original Ghostbusters, and had hoped to get a cameo as the gender-swapped blowjob ghost from the original film. Unfortunately, when this role was never written, he swore that his dream would not go unfulfilled. Leslie Jones calls the haunting a gift and a curse, as she knows when Idris Elba will die (approximately 50 years) but thanks to a interdimensional vortex, she gets to see him every night.

Zool CatMr. Sprinkles

Kate McKinnon is a noted cat-person who was unfortunately cursed with a deadly allergy. In an attempt to find a creature she could love, she participated in a dark ritual: candles, pentagrams, the whole nine-yards. The result was Mr. Sprinkles, an powerful hell-kitten who has gored many house guests and 3 of Lorne Michaels’ assistants.

Gaybraham LincolnGaybraham Lincoln

Never one to turn down a show, Gaybraham Lincoln materialized on the set of the new Ghostbusters one day and found himself quite smitten with the new receptionist portrayed by Chris Hemsworth. The two have been spotted getting lunch at various New York eateries, giggling and holding hands. Move over Hiddleswift, because this president has found his own Norse God!

Kevin Cole

CHILDHOOD RUINED! Even The New Ecto Cooler Is Awful

Mark this as the summer that Hollywood killed everything I love! We all know the new Ghostbusters will be the latest in a series of disgraceful reboots that have ruined the state of modern cinema (and YES this is a systemic problem, entirely unrelated to the fact that all the new Ghostbusters are women). The only good side to the disastrous new Ghostbusters would have been the return of Hi-C’s Ecto Cooler.

Screen Shot 2016-06-02 at 1.09.11 PMI remember spending my summers sitting by the pool, sipping that delicious Ecto Cooler. It was like I was a real Ghostbuster, Slimer was my best friend and I had just smashed him into a delicious juice-like substance. He tasted so good, like oranges for some reason. But those days of sipping the refreshing remains of my dead friend (who was technically a ghost to begin with, making him double dead) are gone.

Ecto Cooler

I was willing to look past the fact that the new Ecto Cooler was missing Slimer from the packaging. After all, it was that delicious drink that would bring back nostalgia and I’d rather see no Slimer than the big-breasted CGI monstrosity they’re surely going to use in new movie. The problem with the new Ecto Cooler is that Hi-C seems to have forgotten how to make it entirely! The new Ecto Cooler doesn’t have that tangy orange flavor I used to love, it tastes more like a blood orange. I checked the ingredients and sure enough the first item listed was menstrual blood!

How could they do this to us!? Nobody asked for menstrual Ecto Cooler! All we wanted was the same old cooler that was discontinued in 2001. Why couldn’t Hi-C just unpack the loads of cooler from 15 years ago? It would still be just as good! And before any women write in, I’m not saying the new Ecto Cooler is bad because it’s made from menstrual blood, it’s bad because I grew up with delicious orange based Ecto Cooler, and if Hi-C would just STICK TO THE ORIGINAL COOLER it would have aged like a fine wine.

Kevin Cole

Sexuality is a Spectrum and We’ve Got The New Ghostbusters Trailer To Prove It

Alright ladies, you thought you were pretty secure in your sexuality, but there’s one steamy video that’s been circulating the web for the past 24 hours that is definitely going to change things. Just take a look at this:

tumblr_inline_o3gyq8On3q1qz8s52_540

Okay, okay, dial it back. This may be the most simultaneously titillating and empowering 24 frames of film to grace cinema, but we shouldn’t have come on so strong. Still, that didn’t stop Tumblr user TalesOfNorth from creating a gifset of Kate McKinnon in the new Ghostbusters and captioning it “I think my panties are ghost too because they suddenly disappeared into thin air.”

Us too, TalesOfNorth. Us too. And we’re not the only ones who are fighting to keep the arousal-induced asthma attacks at bay. The New York Times called the movie promo a “slice of cinematic heaven”. It placed first in Time Magazine’s “Top 10 Movie Trailers Under 30” and the Washington Post praised it as “a tantalizing blend of overtly provocative, hilarious and unsexily… sexy?”

tumblr_o3hmdqizbB1rekanyo1_500

For some this trailer only goes to affirm long-held sexual needs, but for many the footage is bringing about the sensation for the first time. Across the web, women who previously identified as straight are sharing gifs of Kate McKinnon’s performance and admitting that “maybe [they are] are little bit gay.” And that’s okay, sexuality is a spectrum, so you could very much be a little bit gay. In fact, there’s nothing wrong with getting the same amount of excitement from two seconds of Chris Helmsworth kicking down a door as you do from two seconds of Kate McKinnon licking that gun.

The fact is, the world is filled with beautiful people, most of them happen to be in the new Ghostbusters trailer and you owe it to yourself explore what that means for you. Perhaps you’re so overcome with emotions that you know exactly who you’re gonna call and just like tumblr user abitnotgood you’ll place your application to be a new ghostbuster…

tumblr_inline_o3h4c58aEx1r1fj7r_500

Suffice to say, we’re happy to see some emotions are stronger than the hatred of men’s rights activists who are complaining about the death of their childhood based on a film that was released before they were even conceived. Do yourself a favor and view the trailer below. Should you find yourself in the middle of sexual awakening, please send an email to mailbag@theannualonline.com with the subject line “Ghostbusters Testimonial.”

Kevin Cole, Christine McQuaid

Remembering Harold Ramis

The Following was the Editorial Letter published in The Annual #008

RamisGrowing up, comedy was a forbidden fruit in my house. Not to say that laughter was forbidden—jokes were fine. It was the movies you had to watch out for—heaven forbid someone make light of sex! But for as long as I can remember I’ve been fascinated by comedy, even when I lacked a basic understanding the whole thing. I was eight years old when my mom decided I was old enough watch Ghostbusters (fast-forwarding through the scene where Dan Aykroyd gets a supernatural blowjob, of course). At this point, I was so entrenched in the theories that surrounded the supernatural and too young to get half of the jokes that I had interpreted Ghostbusters to be a serious dramatic film. But I loved it. I watched it over and over. I watched it when my parents weren’t home, and I still didn’t understand why that ghost was undoing Dan Aykroyd’s belt.

Years later, in high school, I would come to appreciate the film as a comedy and readily recognize Bill Murray for the comedic force he was. But as I went from Murray movie to Murray movie, I realized that one man was always on the sidelines: Harold Ramis.

Harold Ramis.

It wasn’t hard to notice him in Ghostbusters or Stripes. But as I ventured into Groundhog Day and Meatballs I realized that he was constantly there, as a director and more often than not, a writer. Ramis was my introduction to the concept of the comedy writer. He broke down the wall that said all the funny people were riffing for an hour and a half. He was the first time that I took notice of the concept of a script. And his films were consistently a riot.

Sitting down to watch Meatballs for the first time, I had a notebook in hand. I hadn’t watched the film because it was my father’s favorite. I hadn’t watched it because Bill Murray was sure to delight. I watched it because I had gone on IMDB, looked up Ramis and was about to embark on some self-imposed studying. I sat there as a news reporter interviewed Tripper (Bill Murray) who was pretending to be the director of the rival camp, Camp Mohawk. Tripper explained that the real highlight of the summer would be sexual awareness week, when Camp Mohawk flew in two hundred hookers from around the world; the camper to “visit” as many countries as possible would be named “King of Sexual Awareness Week.” The concept took me by such surprise that I leapt for my notepad and jotted down “Go for the unexpected.” Ramis

Of course, the great thing about Ramis was that the wit was unexpected but the characters were real. In an original draft to Ghostbusters Dan Aykroyd had the Stay Puft Marshmellow man scheduled to appear at the half hour mark. Ramis told Aykroyd to tone it down and tell the story from the beginning, allowing us to meet the Ghostbusters as a group of down-on-their-luck academics. Ramis knew you could take a story to an unbelievable place but knew the story needed a grounded start.

Ramis’ talent wasn’t exclusively shared with Bill Murray (considering the two stopped speaking after Groundhog Day). Ramis worked with some of the greatest comic actors—from palling around with Gilda Radner at The Second City to writing John Belushi’s motivational speech in Animal House to directing numerous episodes of The Office. 

Harold Ramis had a talent for taking slackers and turning them into heroes. He taught us that we could talk back, we could question authority and that we didn’t have to be particularly motivated to give a motivational speech. This issue of The Annual is dedicated to Harold. As Egon Spengler once said, “Print is dead”—but let’s hope Ramis got that one wrong.

Kevin Cole