Tag Archives: Graduation

The Last Hurrah Graduates and it’s Off To The Races!

Kick off your week with the newest Last Hurrah in podcast form!

77 – Good Riddance – A Brothel Fragrance

This week, we welcome our freshly graduated Two Human Family (But Not By Blood) Funtime Schmucker’s Jamtime House Band to the show! The band is comprised of former-One-Man-Band-Leader Thom Huenger and Karli Cole. In this show Kevin and Isabel teach Thom and Karli what it’s like to be completely finished with college and we get a glimpse into Karli’s life as the madame of a brothel.

Subscribe and review the show on iTunes or stream it on LastHurrahLive.com

 

Then, swing by the Maryland Ensemble Theatre on Sunday May 22nd when we go off to the races!

This week, we bask in the decadence and depravity that is the Preakness, Maryland’s own Kentucky Derby. Will we be joined by a triple crown winner? Will we lose it all thanks to a crippling gambling addiction? If you’re a fan of being a fan of horse racing, you won’t want to miss this week’s show!

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The Annual Mailbag – May 2016

At the start of every month, we open our mailbag to answer your questions! Send them to Mailbag@TheAnnualOnline.com 

Dear Weirdos, after four years of hard work, it looks like I’ll be forced to repeat the 12th Grade, or at the very least attend summer school. I was formerly a straight-A student, but admittedly, senioritis hit hard this year. How can I be expected to do it all again now that I’ve experienced the wonderful world of slacking? Please send help! -Justin P.

Hey Justin, good news: we’re here for you. Senioritis is an epidemic that has plagued our high schools and colleges since students in their final year were called “seniors.” Luckily, you’re (presumably) over 16, which means at this point it’s totally legal for you to drop out of school. You did the time, no one will fault you for it.

The good news is, all employers and colleges really want to see is a diploma, which is perhaps the easiest thing to come by. Download a trial of Photoshop, grab a scan of someone else’s diploma off Google Images and swap out the names to fit you and your school. If a respected university asks why your GPA has tanked, simply fax them a copy of your diploma and tack on a classic witticism like “How do you explain this!?”

Enjoy your life Justin, and be careful, senioritis tends to hit hard at 65 and most cases can be fatal.

Dear Weirdos, I am still heartbroken over the loss of Prince this past month. How can I move on? -Carolynn S.

Carolynn, Carolynn, Carolynn. In these hard times just remember Harper Lee, who, against her will, published the follow up to To Kill A Mockingbird last year. Prince died with the integrity to leave the songs he felt weren’t good enough locked away in a vault. Fortunately for you, the music industry lacks any such integrity and Prince lacked a will, shortly after the bidding war, you’ll have your chance to hear new Prince songs sung by a hologram live at carnegie hall.

Dear Weirdos, I can’t say too much, but I’m a Super Delegate in the democratic party and I promised a certain someone that I would give them my vote. The problem is, my heart is being pulled in another direction… what should I do? – Bill C.

Well Bill,  when in doubt, check your constituent count. This is a good rule to follow, but as a Super Delegate we understand that you can vote against the voters who put you in power to begin with, and that’s okay. It depends on whether you want to be a part of a broken system or not.

Dear Weirdos, I have so many questions about the world, but I have a hard time opening up to strangers, what should I do? – Kelsi Q

Get some practice sending your questions to Mailbag@TheAnnualOnline.com send a new question every week! Really fill that mailbag and trust us when we say it’ll pay off at the start of June.

What Are You Going To Do Next?

Emily Perper

If you’re a recent graduate or in any sort of period of transition whatsoever, you know the feeling of well-intentioned interrogation: variations on “What are you planning to do next?”

I’m wrapping up a service year with the Episcopal Service Corps, and you’d think my potential career opportunities were the talk of all of Baltimore. “Hey, how are you?” escalates quickly to “Have you thought about what you’re going to do after this year is up?”  Sometimes I give a beneficent if vague “I’m sending out some resumes,” but at this point, I’ve basically snapped, because…

Because sending 200 resumes doesn’t guarantee a job. Because this economic downturn has been unspeakably hard for recent graduates who were told to go to college, work hard, accrue debt, get a good job, work hard, and pay off the debt accrued. Because “good job” turns out to be relative at best and nonexistent at worst. Because unpaid internships have become an abusive economy. Because it’s not anyone’s business what your survival and well-being entails unless you want it to be their business. 

I’m pissed off. I’m tired. Fraught with cynicism, snark and self-satisfaction, here are my current responses to “What are you going to do after your service year?” and the responses to my responses (which are parenthetical).

Deadpan for best results.

  1. I’m committing aliyah and joining the Israeli Defense Force.
  2. I’m setting world records for binge-watching on Netflix.
  3. I’m reuniting with my vinyl collection.
  4. I’m moving to L.A. to focus on my acting career.
  5. I’m moving to Brooklyn to focus on my writing career.
  6. I’m moving to Nashville to focus on my music career.
  7. I’m going to be a temporary resident of a permanent site in the suburbs in order to serve as house manager and canine companion.
  8. I’m moving in with my parents.
  9. I’m going to live in a house with air conditioning for the first time in six years.
  10.  I’m leading nuclear warhead awareness tours in the Eastern European bloc.
  11. I’m going back to high school. (“Oh, so you’re going to teach?” “No.”)
  12.  I’m going to write a series of response poems to Shel Silverstein’s body of work, because the dude was a bona fide creeper, and the world needs to know about it. Seriously. Wiki it.
  13. I don’t know. What do you think I should do?
  14. I don’t know. What did you do after [insert transitional stage here]?
  15. Actually, I’m a freelance editor. (Insert disbelieving looks.)
  16. Actually, I’m a freelance reporter. (Insert pitying looks.)
  17. Actually, I do a bit of blogging. (Insert pitying looks, a pat on the back and an “Oh, well, I’m sure something will turn up.”)
  18. Actually, I haven’t even thought about it yet! Still have two weeks to go, right? (Best if you want a horrified stare.)
  19.  You know what? I’m really sick of that question. (Insert defensive retort and anxious laugh.)
  20. You know what? I’ve decided it’s going to be a surprise. Wouldn’t want to ruin it for you. Or me.

Honestly, the best advice I’ve got isn’t my advice at all. It’s Cheryl Strayed’s advice. Strayed writes the “Dear Sugar” advice column for the website The Rumpus, and here is her reply to a letter from an English teacher who needed help fending off the career critics:

“You don’t have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success. You don’t have to explain what you plan to do with your life. You don’t have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards. You don’t have to maintain an impeccable credit score. Anyone who expects you to do any of those things has no sense of history or economics or science or the arts…

I hope when people ask … you’ll say: Continue my bookish examination of the contradictions and complexities of human motivation and desire; or maybe just: Carry it with me, as I do everything that matters. And then smile very serenely until they say oh.”

Good luck out there, sweet potatoes.

What Are You Going To Do Next? was originally published in The Annual #4!

Purchase your copy today!

The Annual Graduates Giveaway!

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ATTENTION GRADUATES!

Lets face it, this economy is crap, and you don’t have jobs or the money for magazine subscriptions. But at least you could laugh off your unemployment with a bi-monthly humor magazine.

So this week we are giving away TWENTY free one year subscriptions to The Annual!

Simply send an email with your name and address to theannualcontact@gmail.com with the subject line “FAFSA”. The first twenty readers to do so will get a free years subscription, those who submit AFTER the first twenty will receive a special discount code to use on any item in The Annual Store!

Good luck out there Grads, we’re pulling for you (mostly because we are also graduates, who are also broke so by pulling for you, we can pull for ourselves)!

UPDATED 6/3 1pm: Turns out you can’t do full 100% discounts on Big Cartel. So we’ve reworked the giveaway to be email based.

The Annual Issue 3!

Issue 3 Cover

The Annual #003 will be upon us in the coming weeks, but in the meantime you can enjoy the incredible cover art by our own David Luna!  We’ve got some great stuff in this issue: an exclusive interview with America’s Got Talent Finalist, Tom Cotter. Andrew Michaels disperses tips for picking up chicks, while Cullen Dolson tells us how to poop outside. We also examine supreme court transcripts of the great case of The United States Vs. Tubular Portable Yogurt, and Matt Lee returns with the story of The Witch’s Head. All this and more in The Annual #003!

Look for the preorder in The Annual Shop soon, but in the meantime be sure to check out our first two issues!