Tag Archives: New Ghostbusters

CHILDHOOD RUINED! Even The New Ecto Cooler Is Awful

Mark this as the summer that Hollywood killed everything I love! We all know the new Ghostbusters will be the latest in a series of disgraceful reboots that have ruined the state of modern cinema (and YES this is a systemic problem, entirely unrelated to the fact that all the new Ghostbusters are women). The only good side to the disastrous new Ghostbusters would have been the return of Hi-C’s Ecto Cooler.

Screen Shot 2016-06-02 at 1.09.11 PMI remember spending my summers sitting by the pool, sipping that delicious Ecto Cooler. It was like I was a real Ghostbuster, Slimer was my best friend and I had just smashed him into a delicious juice-like substance. He tasted so good, like oranges for some reason. But those days of sipping the refreshing remains of my dead friend (who was technically a ghost to begin with, making him double dead) are gone.

Ecto Cooler

I was willing to look past the fact that the new Ecto Cooler was missing Slimer from the packaging. After all, it was that delicious drink that would bring back nostalgia and I’d rather see no Slimer than the big-breasted CGI monstrosity they’re surely going to use in new movie. The problem with the new Ecto Cooler is that Hi-C seems to have forgotten how to make it entirely! The new Ecto Cooler doesn’t have that tangy orange flavor I used to love, it tastes more like a blood orange. I checked the ingredients and sure enough the first item listed was menstrual blood!

How could they do this to us!? Nobody asked for menstrual Ecto Cooler! All we wanted was the same old cooler that was discontinued in 2001. Why couldn’t Hi-C just unpack the loads of cooler from 15 years ago? It would still be just as good! And before any women write in, I’m not saying the new Ecto Cooler is bad because it’s made from menstrual blood, it’s bad because I grew up with delicious orange based Ecto Cooler, and if Hi-C would just STICK TO THE ORIGINAL COOLER it would have aged like a fine wine.

Kevin Cole

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Sexuality is a Spectrum and We’ve Got The New Ghostbusters Trailer To Prove It

Alright ladies, you thought you were pretty secure in your sexuality, but there’s one steamy video that’s been circulating the web for the past 24 hours that is definitely going to change things. Just take a look at this:

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Okay, okay, dial it back. This may be the most simultaneously titillating and empowering 24 frames of film to grace cinema, but we shouldn’t have come on so strong. Still, that didn’t stop Tumblr user TalesOfNorth from creating a gifset of Kate McKinnon in the new Ghostbusters and captioning it “I think my panties are ghost too because they suddenly disappeared into thin air.”

Us too, TalesOfNorth. Us too. And we’re not the only ones who are fighting to keep the arousal-induced asthma attacks at bay. The New York Times called the movie promo a “slice of cinematic heaven”. It placed first in Time Magazine’s “Top 10 Movie Trailers Under 30” and the Washington Post praised it as “a tantalizing blend of overtly provocative, hilarious and unsexily… sexy?”

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For some this trailer only goes to affirm long-held sexual needs, but for many the footage is bringing about the sensation for the first time. Across the web, women who previously identified as straight are sharing gifs of Kate McKinnon’s performance and admitting that “maybe [they are] are little bit gay.” And that’s okay, sexuality is a spectrum, so you could very much be a little bit gay. In fact, there’s nothing wrong with getting the same amount of excitement from two seconds of Chris Helmsworth kicking down a door as you do from two seconds of Kate McKinnon licking that gun.

The fact is, the world is filled with beautiful people, most of them happen to be in the new Ghostbusters trailer and you owe it to yourself explore what that means for you. Perhaps you’re so overcome with emotions that you know exactly who you’re gonna call and just like tumblr user abitnotgood you’ll place your application to be a new ghostbuster…

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Suffice to say, we’re happy to see some emotions are stronger than the hatred of men’s rights activists who are complaining about the death of their childhood based on a film that was released before they were even conceived. Do yourself a favor and view the trailer below. Should you find yourself in the middle of sexual awakening, please send an email to mailbag@theannualonline.com with the subject line “Ghostbusters Testimonial.”

Kevin Cole, Christine McQuaid