Tag Archives: Pixar

Synopsis of The New Pixar Movie

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Matt Lee

A French actress, a frog and a demon walk into a bar. The bar is a strip club. The strippers are dead fish. The French actress punches herself in the nose and orders 15 glasses of the good stuff. The bartender is playing some violent video game and not paying attention at all. The demon is speaking Latin or something. The frog, he’s just hoppin’ around, not a care in the world. The ladies love the nonchalant frog. Some Japanese businessmen are in a corner booth stuffing dollar bills into dead fish g-strings. The frog gets too drunk and falls over the bar, knocking into the shelf with all the bottles. Everyone in the bar gets down on the ground and starts licking up spilled spirits. The bartender is having difficulty defeating the Level Four boss. The French actress asks for a light. The whole bar goes up in flames. The frog’s stomach bursts from the heat. The dead fish smell good. The Japanese businessmen summon several different parts, which assemble into a giant fighting robot. The robot is fighting the fire. He’s just punching and smashing the hell out of it. The Japanese businessmen are cheering, even though they’re on fire. The bartender finally manages to beat the Level Four boss as the TV melts into a puddle of plastic and glass. A priest, a rabbi and a black guy burst in. They’re each dual-wielding fire extinguishers. The fire is subdued in no time. The bartender buys a round of drinks for everybody. The frog is trying to scoop his guts back into his open belly. The giant fighting robot is way too drunk. He pukes on the dead fish and takes his pants off before he passes out. Buzz Lightyear flies in through the window with a raging erection. He cock-slaps the demon. A portal to hell opens and Buzz Lightyear puts his boner into the inferno. He takes a leak and extinguishes all the hellfire. The demon is pissed, but he admits that was pretty cool. Rapturous applause from all followed by more drinks. The priest, rabbi and black guy officiate the same sex marriage of Buzz Lightyear and the giant fighting robot. The bartender cries. Roll credits.

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The Annual #10 Arrives in One Week!

 

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On July 31st The Annual #10 will (finally) arrive, just in time for it to still be considered a July/August issue. This issue is jam packed with material from your favorite Annual writers and a new interview with Sara Benincasa. This issue contains (but is not limited to) up to the minute Bill Murray tracking, a glimpse at an upcoming Pixar movie*, a look into Craigslist, an in-depth breakdown of mystery Doritos flavors, illustrated Campfire stories and so much more! Side effects may include stubbed toes, broken hearts and a realization of one’s own mortality, so preorder The Annual #10 today!

*Upcomins pixar movie in the satirical sense. Pixar movie detailed is in no way being produced by Pixar. We mention this, because Disney is known to be sticklers for their copyrights.