Tag Archives: Sexy Costume Guide

The Annual Annual Sexy Costume Guide 2015

I was born with a gift: the ability to transform any normal, mundane Halloween costume into an object of sexual fantasy. Give me a costume design and I’ll give you the steps to making it sexy in three bullet points or less. Some may call this power sexist, but I would like to remind those readers that all genders can be sexy. Recently I solicited facebook friends for their costume challenges, what you’ll find below is a guide to making over 40 different costumes sexy for Halloween.

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1970’s Apple Employee

  • Match the aesthetic of an overworked computer nerd, don’t shave your face. Match the aesthetic of the 70s, don’t shave your pubes.
  • Spending your entire day in a garage office start up, it’s okay to forego pants in favor of underwear.
  • Tell friends about your innovative ideas for the bedroom.

Al Roker

  • Place a patch of green screen over your genitals.
  • Wear a suit jacket with no undershirt and a tie that hangs just low enough.
  • Tell friends you’d like to see what’s happening in their neck of the woods.

Beanie Baby Puppy

  • Lay on the floor with you felted ass in the air.
  • Attach a large TY heart to your ear, on the inside write erotic poetry about doing it doggy style.


  • Spend the night searching for secret emails but only find sexually explicit correspondences between Mr. and Mrs. Clinton
  • Spend three years persistently asking Brad to sleep with you, long after that horse died from your inquiries.
  • Drunkenly gaze at friends nether-regions under the guise of the “freedom of information act”

Bernie Sanders

  • Steal clothing items from the billionaire class.
  • Heavily tax the fabrics on these items to make them more revealing.

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