Tag Archives: Thanksgiving

The Definitive Guide for Surviving Thanksgiving In Trump’s America

Thanksgiving, the great American gathering. For decades, the politically minded have dreaded this post-election holiday which challenges them to reach across the aisle and deconstruct what it means to be American with their right-wing relatives. The discourse over mashed potatoes hasn’t been this divided since President Obama won a second term, and even then, the worst that most endured were rants about Obamacare and the coming death panels. Two years ago, those same relatives were calling victims of police brutality “thugs” and now they’re coming to the dinner table with a sense of supremacy (white supremacy).

It’s hard to understand how white supremacy could reign supreme at Thanksgiving (provided you ignore America’s history of massacring indigenous people and focus on the food alone). Afterall, white meat is the worst part of the bird. It’s dry, it’s bland, dark meat ought to reign supreme, I digress but keep this metaphor in your back pocket in case things get testy.

For those who choose not to opt out of tense family gatherings, survival will rely largely on prayer. Sure, prayer didn’t prevent a Trump presidency, but small miracles are still possible.

In the worst case scenario you may be celebrating at a conservative relative’s house, and that’s fine, remember, the house holds no political beliefs no matter how many Trump signs are in the front yard (and if you accidentally happen to hit one as you back out of the driveway, no one will mind, the election’s already over). As an aunt helps you with your coat and whispers “this is your first time in a Trump supporter’s house” don’t take the bait. This is the first step to proving your resilience. Smile and nod and don’t lose sight of the fact that Trump has been appointing white supremacists to his cabinet, the fact that you’re related to his supporters will not normalize the monstrous things he’s about to do. From here, navigate away from politics as quickly as humanly possible, for once it will be a blessing when relatives ask what you’re doing after high school/college, when will have a girlfriend, or what are you going to do with an art major. Breathe a sigh of relief that your lack of life choices is the chosen topic of conversation as opposed to dismissing sexual assault as locker room talk.

While killing time before dinner, remember that dogs are truly man’s best friend, as are cats, or in this instance anything incapable of forming a complete sentence. Human’s have been disregarding one another to play with pets and toddlers for centuries and that tradition isn’t about to stop. How cold is outside? 36 degrees? That’s just above freezing, perfect for fetch! Get to know your family member’s beloved pet and they’ll call you when the Turkey’s ready.

No matter how experienced your uncle may be, offer to carve the turkey. You are the best insurance that no one will slice a racial epithet into the side of a pheasant. Compliment every item of food, go in depth, remember to keep them talking about anything but the election. The most important thing is to stay strong. At times the conversation may veer into pop culture and no matter how much you think American Horror Story is trash TV, that opinion is far easier for some to stomach than the fact that we made Trash-TV our President-elect.

As coversations come to a lull, pray that someone brings up football. Sure, you’ve never watched the sport, but you’re desperate and fortunately in the home stretch. The name of the game for this last hour is distraction, like Mike Pence attending Hamilton except not like that because your cousin still can’t wrap his brain around a black George Washington. Stay calm, practice deep breaths and as soon as someone utters the phrase “radical Islam” quietly excuse yourself to use the bathroom, and jump out the second window to safety of the concrete driveway below.

Kevin Cole

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The Last Hurrah’s Thanksgiving Blanket Telethon

As a part of The Last Hurrah’s Thanksgiving Special we collected blankets for the Frederick Community Action Agency. Here’s the first bit from our collection featuring Callan Holderbaum and Matt Kline.

Learn more at LastHurrahLive.com

This week on The Last Hurrah (11/24)

Kick off your week right with our newest episode!

61 – Thanksgrimby With Mumps the Dying Turkey

This week on The Last Hurrah, Mumps the Dying Turkey returns to the show for our Thanksgiving Extravaganza! Pilgrims collect blankets for the needy (Frederick Community Action Agency), Lydia Hadfield stops by with the tale of Thanksgrimby. So happy Thanksgrimby to all and enjoy our newest episode!

Performers:
Karli Cole
Lydia Hadfield
Callan Holderbaum
Matt Kline

Subscribe and review the show on iTunes or stream it on LastHurrahLive.com

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Then, swing by the Maryland Ensemble Theatre for…

Open Mic Night (Nov 29)

Our fourth monthly Comedy Open Mic kicks off this Sunday Nov 29th! Bring your jokes and as always, comics who don’t wish to have their sets on the podcast need only ask and they shant appear.

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The fun starts this Sunday at 7pm!

Tonight on The Last Hurrah!

–We’re melding charity and comedy this week! During the show we will collect blankets to donate to the Frederick Community Action Agency! So bring a blanket and get ready for some laughs!–

We know what you’re all thinking, didn’t Mumps the Dying Turkey y’know, die? Well he left behind an egg and that grew into yet another dying turkey!

Join our incredible annual Thanksgiving show for a night of comedy, pilgrims, and antibiotic-free poultry! Featuring special guests:  Karli Cole, Lydia Hadfield, Callan Holderbaum, Matt Kline, Christine McQuaid, Lia Seltzer and possibly more!

The Last Hurrah returns with a fresh and free comedy special on Nov 22nd at 7pm! Bring your friends, bring your family and for crying out loud, bring a side dish.

That Time of Year Again!

Well, another Halloween has come and gone, which means it is time to start planning those other upcoming holidays. You guessed it: I’m talking April Fools’ Day, 2016!

April Fools’ day is the one day of the year that brings friends and families together. You don’t want to leave them disappointed!

1. Incorporate other holiday lights to make everyone forget that it’s April. Look for Halloween items on clearance—you can even pick up a few decorations for Thanksgiving and Christmas! Heck, you can just leave all your decorations up the whole year, and never worry about putting them back in the attic!

2. Everyone absolutely loves loud, unexpected, annoying noises, so stock up on those air horns! Someone in the shower? AIRHORN! Putting away fine china? AIRHORN! Trying to get a good night’s sleep for work the next morning? DOUBLE AIRHORN! Haha, what a good prank!

3. Really ruin someone’s day at little to no expense for yourself. Wake up in the middle of the night, lift the toilet seat, then cover the bowl-hole with plastic wrap. Play the waiting game, until the prank-ee awakens and goes to relieve himself. Laugh uncontrollably as you hear his cries of anguish when he gets urine and/or other bodily fluids all over himself and the floor, then snicker quietly as you listen to your victim search for cleaning products.

4. Humans love a good mystery. This year, surprise any guests by hiding a dead body in the backyard for everyone to find! They will spend hours (or maybe years!) going over what happened and may even get the police involved! This is a prank that will go on and on, maybe for generations.

5. While everyone is still fresh from murder, make a spot of coffee or tea. Be sure to warn them that it is very, very hot. Then when they go to have a sip? A spring-loaded snake pops out! Got ’em!

If someone tells you they don’t like your jokes or gets mad at you, kindly remind them that “it was only a prank” and they need to “calm down.” This will clear things right up.

No one wants to hear “All I Want for Christmas is You” as the clock chimes midnight on November 1. Thanksgiving, Christmas…planning for these is so passé, and your pent-up holiday cheer is leeching my own reserves. Let’s look forward to the highlight of the year, together: April 1, 2016.

T. M. Scholtes

The Last Hurrah 19 – Remembering Mumps The Dying Turkey

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Episode 19 of The Last Hurrah is now online! You can click the picture above to listen!

It is with great sadness that this weekend came to a close with a memorial service for beloved holiday mascot Mumps The Dying Turkey. Shortly after appearing on Fox 45’s Good Day Baltimore, Mumps collapsed in the parking lot of the WBFF studios. Paramedics arrived at the scene, not long after he was pronounced dead, the cause of death being onset Tuberculosis. On Sunday Nov 30th, Kevin Cole, Giovanni Kavota and Isabel Duarte gathered at the Maryland Ensemble Theatre to pay tribute to the great bird.

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Join us Sunday, 7pm at The Maryland Ensemble Theatre (31 West Patrick St. Frederick, MD)! Note: There is no show on Sunday Dec. 7th due to the opening gala for the MET’s newest original show, A Revolutionary Christmas.