Tag Archives: The Annual 001

A Comedic Sein-uation

Andrew Michaels

Has anyone ever told you that what happens on TV almost never happens in real life? At that moment, you get that frustrating feeling in the pit of your stomach, arguing with yourself over whether or not to stick up for “your” show, or just let the person take the win.

Okay, so it is highly unlikely that Monica could afford that fancy apartment in New York City on her own in the show “Friends.” It is also unlikely that friends like Cory, Shawn, and Eric in “Boy Meets World” are always able to fix their relationships with one another after countless fights and debacles. 

But I am here to tell you that it is possible to get that win. I found this out three years ago. And the show compared to was “Seinfeld.”

One evening, my family and I decided to try this new restaurant in town called Morgan’s. My mother informed us that her good friend—let’s call him “Steve”—was the head chef and would prepare our meal himself. Upon our arrival, he greeted us and guided us to a table for four.

After we ordered our food, I excused myself from the table and went to the restroom. As I entered, I was greeted once again by Steve, who must have entered only a few seconds before me. I proceeded with my business and began to wash my hands.  It was at this exact moment when I noticed him using the urinal.

For any man, the silence between two men in a bathroom is, for lack of a better word, uncomfortable. I have been in this predicament too many times, and one of the two men always believe it is an appropriate time to start a conversation.

“So, how’s the family?” Steve asked.

“Good,” I mumble.

Seriously?  We’re going to talk about my family during this time?  Similar to the TV show scenario earlier, I keep my thoughts to myself.  Before long, Steve left, but there was something was missing; some post-bathroom ritual. He didn’t wash his hands.

I left the bathroom, and I sat back down at our table, feeling utterly disgusted with what I just witnessed. Now, I had to live with the thought of Steve’s unwashed hands touching my food.

Suddenly, I remembered why this situation felt so familiar. The very incident I experienced five minutes ago also occurred in the hit television series “Seinfeld.”

In the episode “The Pie,” Jerry and his girlfriend go to eat at her father’s pizza restaurant. At one point, Jerry goes to the restroom and sees her father not wash his hands after using the facilities. Jerry is left watching her father prepare their meal with his soiled hands.

Wow, I thought. This is kind of freaky. I had never been in a scenario that happened just like it had on a TV show. The comical spin that Seinfeld put on the idea had transferred into my reality. While some may have found this “sein-uation” to be rather disturbing, I found it to be both gross and hilarious.

In the end, I was successful in coercing my parents to leave the restaurant due to an “upset stomach,” and I later told them of my encounter with Head Chef Steve. Now, any time anyone says TV and reality don’t mix, I remind them of the bathroom occurrence. Remember, just because a comedic situation happens on TV doesn’t mean it cannot happen in real life. In fact, more often than not, it is the comedy on TV that comes from comedy in someone’s life. Sometimes, you can get the win.

The Grand Opening of Stuff-A-Squirrel

Briana Haynie

Please join us for the grand opening of Stuff – A – Squirrel. Norfolk, Virginia’s second most controversial establishment.* We are the areas leading taxidermy studio and workshop known for mounting animals of all shapes and sizes. Come on in and check out our magnificent menagerie of specimens or bring in your own animal and we’ll preserve it for you.

Do you find yourself stuck with your kid’s dead hamster in the freezer? Don’t have a clue what to do with it but your daughter won’t let you flush him down the toilet?** Bring it to us; we’ll make it into a great ornament for next years Christmas. All ornament creations are 30 percent off for the months of January and February. We’ll gladly stuff any small reptile, rodent or bird.

Looking for more festivity? Ask for our glowing eyes that flash along to the songs Here Comes Santa Claus and Jingle Bell Rock. We can also make them into a string of lights to be wrapped around a tree or bedpost. It’s a great way to keep your dead pets a part of the family for years to come.

Also on discount this month are our ferret wreaths, love bird mistletoe, snake skin stockings and light up reindeer made from, you guessed it, REAL REINDEER! Bring home your very own sleigh pulling team for next years Christmas season. Buy now and save now.

Stuff – A – Squirrel offers taxidermy classes taught by the finest Taxidermist in the area, many are so experience they’ve worked on humans.  We guarantee our classes are so much fun you’ll leave foaming at the mouth and fearful of water, two things that always happen when people have fun.***


  1. Mount The Beasts!

–        8 week course

–        Wednesday from 6pm – 9pm

–        Learn how to correctly skin and mount large animals such as Lions, Tigers and Bears (Oh my!)

  1. So You Think You Can Taxidermy?

–        8 week course

–        Saturdays and Sundays 3pm – 9pm

–        Taxidermy competition course based on the TV competition So You Think You Can Dance?

  1. This Ain’t your Mama’s Taxidermy

–        8 week course

–        Sundays 3pm – 6pm

–        OH NO YOU DID’INT! Bring your sass cuz This Ain’t Your Mama’s Taxidermy is gunna show you how hip it is to skin a cat and then stuff it.

*PETA is the #1 most controversial establishment in Norfolk, Virginia but if you ask them we’re #1. It’s nice to be #1 is somebody’s book. Everybody, WE’RE #1 TO PETA! WE’RE #1 TO PETA!

**Smart kid, flushing it down the toilet would cause significant damage to your plumbing.

***Stuff-A-Squirrel is not liable if you or your child catches rabies.


  1. Little Hands, Little Animals

–        4 week course

–        Tuesdays 4pm – 6:30pm

–        A great Mommy/Daddy and me class for toddlers.

  1. Taxidermy and the Art of sharing

–        4 week course

–        Mondays 4pm – 6:30pm

–        You’re kindergartener will love learning the basics of taxidermy from Barney the Dinosaur*. Each child is given their own taxidermy kit that they can take home with them after the course ends.

Not only are our child classes fun they’re also great for teaching kids about the circle of life and how to deal with death. Take it from our happy customer Kim Reilly: “Recently my father passed away and my husband and I were afraid to tell little Jeremy the news but when we did, he picked up his taxidermy kit and asked to see the body, he didn’t shed one tear. Thanks Stuff-A-Squirrel!”

All right, so maybe a class isn’t for you, you’re interested in Taxidermy but don’t want to take it to seriously, at least not yet. Then come on down to the Stuff-A-Squirrel Workshop (Ignore the PETA picket line out front**) where our happy stuffers can help you create your very own stuffed animal.

Here’s how it works:

Step 1. Pick from our bins of animal carcasses

Step 2.  Let our workers help you skin the animal. (Full body suits and masks are provided to protect from disease.)

Step 3. Disinfect your animal skin 5 times and then a 6th just to be safe.

Step 4. Stuff your animal skin with 100% synthetic fiber and love!

Step 5. Pick out glass eyes from our vast collection of colors and designs.

Step 6. Pick out an outfit.

Step 7. Pick out a mounting stand.

Step 8. Name your new furry friend

Step 9. Ta-Da! You’re done, now take him home and love him to death.

Our Stuff-A-Squirrel workshop is perfect for birthday parties. Bring your human friends to enjoy some good ole animal stuffing and later have cake in one of our three themed party rooms. Dr. Frankenstein’s Lab, The Hunters Cabin, and Animal Heaven. Your friends will be talking about this party for the whole year.

Sound like fun? Well then what are you waiting for? Get on down to 33 Horseshoe Ave in Norfolk, VA and remember, it’s Stuff-A-Squirrel. Bring in your animal dead; we’ll bring him back to life again. Sort of.

*Yes, we know Barney is an outdated TV character but it was the only costume left at the rental place.

**Please watch out for any flying rocks, cans of paint, batteries, iPhone 5’s, bibles and heads of lettuce as you cross the picket line to enter the building.